#toc: observer

[patorucho]

if i was myst i wouldve killed myself

[constellationsremnant]

i have a slur to say ☝️

figuring out krita lol

if the quality is bad. no it isn't ❤️

[khunyuki]

"I am not going to fall in love, Yuu. Not until we find a way home"

<Observing Idia>

Sypnosis: You made up your mind not to fall in love the moment you arrived at Twisted Wonderland with your bestfriend, Yuu. With plenty of responsibilities on your shoulders in both worlds, do you even have time for romance? At least that's what you thought... Until a certain someone's actions caught your gaze.

Oneshot Pairing/s: Idia Shroud x reader

Note/s: My no. 1 fav Idia <3 I love youuuu

Masterlist: TOC

As a magicless student at an all-boy's school like Night Raven College, there are a lot of things you can't do nor can't relate to. The very fundamental thing in this world is magic and that's something you don't have. Being unable to use magic in a magic school has more cons than pros but can you complain? No cuz being in NRC is the only way to keep you, your bestfriend and monster cat safe. That's why it comes as a surprise to you when you found out that there are a lot of people who can't use magic themselves. It's part of the norm so you feel at ease and confident enough to face challenges you normally don't encounter. Magic isn't everything as humans can always adapt to whatever situation they face.

Be it in Twisted Wonderland or your world, there's something that will never change. The inventions created, interests shared, hobbies formed, and many more. It may deviate from your own world but it is essentially still the same. While you can't relate to using magic in your everyday lives, can't properly attend classes like flight, nor can you use it to protect yourself and your friends, there's still something you know you can relate to.

*ping**ping**ping*

Your phone chimed repeatedly as someone seems to have barraged you with text messages. You turned it on to see the person you have plans with that day, your senpai, Idia Shroud.

Gloomurai: Y/N-ssi, raid starts in 10. wer r u?

Gloomurai: come over already

Gloomurai: hurry up

Gloomurai: gonna to start w/o u if ur 2 slow

You looked at the time on your phone, 4:51pm. One minute has already passed so you gotta run. You have plans to play that popular MMORPG at his room where you can use his spare computer.

Nickname: okiokii

Nickname: running as fast as I can

You typed as you literally ran as fast as you can from your initial location at the courtyard to the hall of mirrors so you could get access to Ignihyde. You take twists and turn without getting lost as you always go there to hang out. Once you arrived, you entered without knocking as you know you're the only one he's expecting aside from Ortho.

"Hey, Idia! I arrived in...7 minutes. Wow that's a record"

You cheered as you weren't late yet panted from the sprint. You greeted the owner of the room who was sitting in front of his own pc. There you could see his bright blue hair burning eternally so clearly in the darkness of his room. He turned to face you and pointed at the desktop beside him.

"I already booted the game in your pc"

"Really? Thank you~"

You sat beside him and true to his words, your game is indeed open. Your character can be seen standing besides his inside the screen.

"No prob"

He pulled the strings of his hood as he tried to hide his face from you. While he can hide the blush on his face, he cannot hide the pink tinting his hair. As you started the raid, you couldn't help but think.

Should you try to get to learn Idia more deeply?

Introducing Idia Shroud

Idia Shroud is the introverted housewarden of Ignihyde. After arriving in Twisted Wonderland, you immediately searched for animes, mangas, and games unique to that world. Due to your immense love, you decided to approach him out of your own volition with the help of his little brother, Ortho. He thought you were one of the normies pretending to like anime but you soon became close friends when you expressed everything you know with the same excitement real otakus have.

Your Relationship

Your first IRL interaction is at the board game club. It was awkward for him but you didn't care because he was entertaining you back. You soon became inseparable as you two are often in your own world. He even went as far as to set up an old spare pc so you could play together at the comfort of his room. When it comes to your interests, it was only you two who got along so it wasn't a question how fast you became the bestest of friends.

Observations

It's probably a month after you arrived at NRC when you met. You just finished adjusting to your now life, hastening the process by encountering your very first overblot. You noticed him as soon as you found out about him that you didn't care about what he thinks of you.

Listed below are things you find interesting about him:

Idia has a unique personality

Idia has been frowned upon by people due to his interests in anime and have developed a sharp tongue in his own defense. You could definitely empathize with him regarding that as back in your world, you have also faced challenges due to your interests. You chose to keep it to yourself at the start but have learned that you shouldn't let other people's words bother you. That's why you could understand his defensiveness when you tried to get close to him at first.

He's always so confident behind the protection of his floating tablet or the screen. He would say sassy remarks, insults or whatever is on his mind but when you meet face to face he couldn't even speak a word. You knew he was suspicious of you for trying to get close to him but your relentless pursuit made him crack. He'd berate you for the wrong information you share and correct it. He'd either be rapping his words or muting it so low on he can hear it.

As time passes by, no longer would he say such mean words to you. He's always excited to hear the continuation of the animes you've watched from your world. He would even unleash his keyboard warrior when someone tries to berate you. To others, he may seem weird or creepy but he's actually really kind once you get to know him.

Most of the time, he's pessimistic about himself so you would always tell him otherwise. Even if what he says are true, you still like him and want to be his friend. You'd do your best to comfort him by being by his side and not judging him. Idia isn't a people person nor does he know how to comfort others but if you're not feeling well, he'd try his hardest to make you feel better in the way you can. Like when he offered you to play games with him to release all your stress or simply watch your favorite series together. He won't ask you what's wrong and you appreciate it as he gives you the space you need.

Idia gets flustered really easily

Idia doesn't believe in the compliments you throw his way but when he does, he'd be a blushing mess. As his friend, you didn't like to see him so pessimistic so you'd compliment him whenever you can. All of it are genuine though as you really does think he's a great person that deserves to hear good words.

The way he easily turns red makes you want to tease him. You won't tease him by lying or insulting him, you'd tease him by saying great things about him just to get a reaction. You'd praise him for the little things like when he wins a game he's been grinding for a while. You'd do anything just to see his face, ears and hair turn pink once more.

Idia seems to give you special treatment

You could see this in the way he treats you differently from the others. Mainly because you're close friends that secretly like each other (you admit this but won't act on it). The treatment becomes even better due to you and Ortho getting along really well. You know how harsh Idia's words can be to others and it's in great contrast to his gentle interactions with you. Most of the time, you'd be the only person he'll talk to in the room which others don't really like as he takes most of your attention away. He's definitely smug about it.

If your friends invite you to something you know he'll like, you'd invite him as well. If he doesn't agree, you'll tell him the contents of your trip once you get back. If he does agree to join, you'll keep your attention on him so he won't be left out. If he's feeling unwell, you'll take care of him and move him away from crowds. So he'd repay you by paying for all your expenses for that trip, even the souvenirs or merch that you want.

He knows of your inability enjoy the things you really want to do due to the financial constraints of Ramshackle. That's why he specifically built a pc setup in your dorm and his room just for you as a gift. In your dorm so Yuu and Grim can also use it, mainly for academic purposes, and in his room so you could play together since his internet connection is better. He'd even go as far as to lend you money so you could pull for your favorite gacha banner, or gift you those expensive armors in matching pairs for your characters. It's a bit too much for you as you felt like you're taking advantage of him and his feelings so you reject it but then you'll suddenly see the thing you have your eyes on and he'll make an excuse saying it's your advanced/belated birthday gift.

Idia's intelligence

This is definitely one of the your favorite things about him which leaves you in awe every single time. You remember how he got offered an internship by Olympus Company and how he's being offered by other sponsors for his genius. His talent and expertise in engineering and gaming makes you admire him. Also how he made Ortho when he was just 16, something so complex and hard that you thought many people needed to work on was something he did by himself. You are definitely mindblown by his talents. Add to that when he told you the reason he's allowed to stay in his room during classes as he's practically in charge of NRC's security.

Dilemma

You knew that from the moment you heard about him and sought him out that you will like him. You can clearly see how he likes you too everytime his hair turns pink around you. The two of you have this sense of comradeship and understanding you cannot find with others. Your interests are aligned which brings you so much joy in this world.

If you weren't trying to go home, you would've made the first move already but unfortunately that wasn't an option just yet.

You decided to just keep these feelings to yourself as soon as you realized it. Even if it was unfair to him, all because you like him yet couldn't pursue him.

Conclusion

It's been months since you became friends with Idia. Your blatant interest in him was something you try to keep to yourself yet still uncontrollably express. You like him so much that when you saw him just standing so defeated, like he just accepted that he cannot change anything. That he'll be stuck at Styx forever, his curse has no cure, his brother lost, his friends aware of what he's done, him being all alone in this world. You hated it.

Yuu, Grim and the other kidnapped overblotted boys were finally starting to leave the underworld after giving him words of encouragement, expecting him to come back to school soon. You stayed behind to talk to him, getting closer to his lonely figure.

"The rest are leaving. You should go with them"

His voice that resorted to muttering again hurts you, as you can feel the pain hiding behind it. You took his hand in yours and squeezed it, wanting to share your warmth even just a little bit.

"I will wait for you Idia"

You gave him the gentlest smile you could muster as you gazed tenderly at his eyes. His eyes moistening at something he feels like he doesn't deserve. Your affection was overwhelming and he craves it. It hurts but he loves it at the same time.

"So you have to come back to me"

You leaned forward to kiss him on the lips. It was just a peck that lasted for a few seconds yet felt like eternity. You pulled back and hugged him tightly to show that he wasn't alone. You could feel him trembling as he also clung to you, not wanting to let go but you have to.

"I'll see you at school"

You let go of him and started to leave, following the rest who went first, giving you two privacy. You could see it in his eyes how the gears have turned where he has something to look forward to. He touched his lips with his fingers, disbelieving that you just kissed and hugged him. You were there waving him goodbye excitedly at the premise of meeting him again.

He has to go back. Because you'll be waiting for him.

It's a promise

=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=

Note/s: I didn't seem to do well even though I love him so much😭 I'll do better next time. Anyways is this an observation or a drabble cuz it's mixed😂 Pls give me ideas🙏

[hahahafangirl]

[WBK Character Analysis] Suo Hayato and the Crises of Contact, Part 1.5: Emotional Intelligence and Emotional Interaction

What started as a section in Part 2 of the Crisis of Contact analyses had expanded so much that I felt the need to move the discussion of Suo's emotional intelligence, as well as his approach to emotionality, to this separate essay. I had much troubles deciding whether I should move parts of the analyses here to discuss Suo's relationships to others, as I valiantly outlined in the previous part, but I decided against fragmenting the flow of thoughts further.

The discussion of Suo's capability to deflect within social context with social competence in Part 1 of Crisis of Contact (linked above) may be helpful as a review. There may be significant overlap between this part and Part 2— alack! It is what it is.

Once more, because I got too deep into everything ever, have a TOC:

When Sakura was sick: Demonstration of Emotional Intelligence

The Staircase to Adulthood: How Empathy was Taught (by Suo)

Suo's and Nirei's Opposing Approach: Speech, Emotionality, and Intervention

(Appendix) Suo and Nirei as Emotional Foil, Suo and Sakura as Battle Foil

So, how did this start?

It begins with my passing observation that Suo is very, very smart, intellectually and emotionally. Intellectually, we have seen his capability as a strategist; Nii-sensei confirmed that he is one of the smartest people in class 1-1, along with Kiryu. It may be very obvious that he is emotionally intelligent, too, but I want to reaaaaaaaally dive into it. Partly, because the visual story-telling of Wind Breaker is just too good.

When Sakura was sick: Demonstration of Emotional Intelligence

From the objective information (text) given, Suo was able to not only understand what Sakura is experiencing (subtext), but eloquently put it into words.

Note the focus on Suo's eyes here — Eyes are the windows to the soul — and especially, especially pertinent to Suo. The story heavily relies on Suo's eye to communicate his feelings (see the images in Part 1, Emotional disquiets) because he never speaks on his own feelings, be it anger, shame, anxiety, conviction, or otherwise! He only did it once, internally (once!). While both Nirei and Suo's faces are depicted with surprise, the visual narration quickly focuses on Suo's scathingly internal introspections.

Do I think these insights come from personal experience? Absolutely, hell yes, fuck yes. Emotional intelligence is a skill honed from personal experiences: both from what you have been through, and learning how to identify it in others. It's an incredibly mature skill to master. So, so many adults never get to this stage; look at how popular the book Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents is.

I do also want to point out that it's not that Nirei isn't emotionally intelligent. I will compare how Suo and Nirei "performs" on this front later. But, in this chapter (ch 57), note where Suo's and Nirei's concerns lie: Suo is primarily concerned with Sakura's mental state; Nirei focuses on the progression of Sakura's emotional growth.

The former is preoccupied with what (he thinks) Sakura can handle, emphasizing Sakura's emotional fragility. That is a very deep concern on and empathy for someone else's emotional status: imagining yourself in their shoes; calibrate what may ticks them off, make them happy, make them worse; make an educated decision from there. That deep, deep, and thoughtful empathy coming from emotional intelligence. Though, we can see that this preoccupation with someone else's pain (and protect them from it) hindered him from actions.

Nirei, on the other hand, focuses on practicality and growth. If Sakura never learns how to depend on other, he will never get there the next time he needs it. What better time to grow than now? This also plays into Nirei's overall narrative theme of growth (thus this conversation may have put Suo's narrative theme into that of intellectual empathy without actions; a caged bird in a sense— but this is getting too close to discussing Backstory Speculations). While Suo has the skill to understand, and articulate, how Sakura feels, Nirei understands the necessity of "growing pain". That, to me, especially after hearing Suo's explanation, is also emotional intelligence. As a segue, may be there is a narrative foil between Nirei's actions and Suo's intellects at play...

Very aptly, the arc culminates in Kotoha — who technically knows Sakura for longer — who has the social grace, intelligence, and brazenness to do what Suo and Nirei hesitated to do as Sakura's classmates.

Empathy on the Staircase to Adulthood: How Empathy is Taught (by Suo)

Staircase to Adulthood is probably one of the most iconic ways a character is introduced, like, ever. Amidst his biographical mysteries, we are hit upfront with Suo's core ideology. That's a hell of a first (major) impression— this, is, like, the third base in getting to know a fictional character. Adding to that, it is also a total shock from how Suo was introduced.

And the main thesis of this fight is: You are an immature scumbag without empathy— without ever imagining stepping into someone's shoes and immersing in the reality of the experience, thus being able to know and engage with other people's feelings. This, notably, is depicted as something learned: a skill.

Empathy, as also emphasized earlier, is the basis of emotional intelligence and (emotional) maturity: this is Kanuma's first lesson towards maturity. Later on, in both Sakura's and Sugishita's emotional development, Suo demonstrates great command of this skill. Empathy is part of his identity of being mature. What else can I say? Suo is a real, mature adult (lmao, nope, no 15yo ever is, trust me).

Suo's way of "teaching" this to Kanuma is, arguably, empathetic but not kind. To me, his method of public humiliation was quite harsh. There is something to be said about the necessity of humiliation towards growth of social awareness (children and teenagers, especially, learn a lot about social conventions and norms from small instances of "humiliation" and "shame"), however. I would think that this shaming is somewhat necessary if not for the fact that Suo planned to toy with Kanuma the entire fight and then finishing him off. That certainly will drive the lesson home. But I'm not sure if I would consider that necessary. Certainly, some people think otherwise— I don't think there is a right or wrong answer in this case.

Regardless, it does not mean Suo is unempathetic. Arguably, being able to put himself in Kanuma's shoes and engage with his feeling is the exact recipe Suo provided here. What seems to happen is that, despite understanding the humiliation Kanuma will experience — in contrast to Kanuma's callousness, which Suo attributed to an inability to empathize with other — Suo humiliates him anyway. "Engaging with other people's feelings", here, is equated to "understand and predict what they are feeling" (like in Sakura's case) without necessarily preventing it from happening. Growing pain, we suppose.

Note, also, in the image above this, the focus on lived experience— here goes more material for Backstory Speculations! All the empathy Suo had for Sakura's solitude— what can it say? (As a last note, while I think that you don't necessarily need to have the exact lived experience someone is going through in order to empathize with them, I do think that thinking about how you can empathize with someone else, based on shared experience, is a necessary step in learning empathy. Once you learned that skill, then it'd be a lot easier to imagine yourself in their experiences and empathize from there.)

Suo, overall, is an empathetic (emotionally mature) person, through and through, via his experience and skill of imagination. Whether he hates you enough to wants you to suffer anyway.... well. He is 15, after all.

Suo's and Nirei's Opposing Approach: Speech, Emotionality, Intervention

Now, I want to analyze what makes Suo's emotional intelligence so apparent, per se. I think this is most apparent when comparing how Suo and Nirei utilizes their ability to understand other people. In short, what makes Suo seems so much "wiser" than Nirei in this aspect is his ability to eloquently and detachedly (thus giving off the impression of maturely) communicated his observations; this lead us to Suo's intellectualization of feelings versus Nirei's engagement, and thus Suo's non-interventionist versus Nirei's interventionist approach.

Nirei's emotional intelligence; his spontaneous speech versus Suo's pre-meditated approach

Nirei is, by all mean, also an incredibly emotionally intelligent individual. Time and time again, he was able to understand the anxieties others are going through and relate it to his own experience. For example, after the Shishitoren fight, as Sakura was having a crisis over his inability to "accept" other, Nirei was the one disrupting his spiral...

and, in his clumsy way ("What am I trying to say here?") managed to deliver the message anyway: that Sakura has accepted him, was seeing who Nirei for who he is, thus Sakura is a person that is accepting and deserved to be accepted in return. Similarly, in the Roppo Ichiza arc, Nirei was able to empathize with Shizuka's anxiety of being a burden on the people protecting her, and also Roppo Ichiza's affections for Shizuka

Nirei's "clumsiness" is a direct manifestation of Nirei's spontaneous genuineness. He speaks directly from the heart, as the words are forming, because he believes that it is practical to contradicts what he think others got wrong, to get them to the right track for themselves.

Meanwhile, Suo, either with Sakura or with Kanuma or Oobiki, often pre-meditated his speech: they are eloquent and organized. Suo mulls over and thinks about his words before he says it. Perhaps the most informative example is with Sakura's confession of his worries post-KEEL. In ch. 60, while one by one refuted Sakura's worries (primarily Anzai), Suo let them have the stage and come swooping it at the end with what seems like a closing, conclusive statement.

... before Anzai comes in to propels the plot to a humorous register. In what immediately follows, the group again engaged Sakura emotionally by showcasing their "lameness" before Suo arrives with the final, encouraging "closing statement" — the register shifts once more to the humorous, closing out the scene.

There is also a nuance that, well, sometimes people are just naturally eloquent. This may surprise you, but the way I write here is not that far off from how I speak in real life, like, casually and on the spot (I do edit my posts, of course, but the vocabulary/register is quite similar). Suo does not pre-meditate his speech in the Oobiki's fight, where he responds to the former's taunts and callousness as it comes. But, predominantly, in empathizing with his peers: Sakura, Kanuma (Suo definitely had the time to think about staircase to adulthood deeply before his performance), Sugishita (Suo caught Sugi's worries, but does not speak up— more on this later), Suo does not speak as the feeling comes the way Nirei does it. Does this make Suo less genuine? No, I don't think so. But it does means that his response/portrayal of himself is quite controlled and measured— this, we already know.

Suo's intellectualization versus Nirei's engagement

Which bring us to the difference between how Suo and Nirei processes feelings, then coming into conclusion regarding Suo's ability to engage with others. The evidences focus on their response to others' feelings, but this may very much also apply to their own emotions. This is most cleanly demonstrated by their reassurance of grandma Yui's feelings to grandpa Ito, and re-emphasize with Sakura post-KEEL.

In the first case, note how the group resolve the issue at hand. While the group is at lost for words, Suo speaks first, and he asks for factual information: Why took the photo? Who planted the tree? What happened? Then, he explained grandma Yui's feelings with accepted knowledge (thus, in a sense, facts): using flower's language

And that was his role in the narrative: translating grandma Yui's feelings into a language other understands; a task with little personal interjection. Meanwhile, Tsubaki, Sakura, and Nirei all depends on their personal experience with grandma Yui or their feelings to support Suo's arguments. Particularly, Nirei directly "puts himself in grandma Yui's shoes" and speaks from that very personal perspective:

There is personal feelings versus facts; putting yourself in the conversation versus speaking from the outside looking in. Nirei's direct, first-person engagement to others' feelings is repeatedly demonstrated, between post-Shishitoren, this arc, and then Roppo Ichiza. But Suo's noticing of the dogwood tree also emphasizes his observational skill (building off his hobby of people-watching).

Coming back to post-KEEL Sakura, while Nirei does not have a lot of lines here (he is occupied with other worries— as Suo noticed), Suo's "closing statements" are primarily conventional wisdoms that most (except Sakura) are familiar with; this is once again a translation task between what Anzai and the group tries to tell Sakura, versus distilling it into actionable terms and generalization that Sakura can understand deeper and utilize. It is, once again, an informative approach, not so much an emotional one.

There is always this problem of detachment from and unfeelingness of feelings when we evoke "intellectualization of feelings". Part of why, I think, Suo sounds so eloquent speaking on all of these is that he never let his own feelings leaked. He stays grounded in the others' problems, feelings, their known scenarios without relating it back to his own: closed room, no leakage, no input to the conversation. Suo deflected from his own feelings, or maybe he never let us get close enough to them in the first place. That's why we learns almost entirely nothing about Suo's internal thoughts or turmoil compare to we do Nirei, who is his narrative and screen-time symmetry.

This detachment is the same reason why we perpetually feel that Suo is not connected to his friend group and Furin— spurring this entire discussion of him refusing to "engage in a conversation" through the fist, or his diet, etc etc. But now that we get to this point, I think what is happening is that, it's not that Suo is refusing to integrate into Furin, but he does not know how to. You must be able to be vulnerable to others in other to get close to them. Umemiya himself said this in the story, and re-emphasized it by sharing his traumatic past to Sakura to allow him to understand why Furin is so important to him.

If Suo does not know how to do this, then we must ask why. If you are familiar with attachment theory, this may reminds you of the question of why certain individuals in society cannot successfully form meaningful relationship to other; the theory came back to the person's relationship to their mother's at birth. However, attachment styles can changes — for better or worse — as a person goes through life and either heal or get traumatized. I'm getting dangerously close to the Backstory Speculations territory here, but this may says something about how Suo grew up, if we claim that he does not know how to be emotionally vulnerable to other people. But also, I can see one (1) reason why Suo would come to detach himself from/distrust others:

His eye trauma.

I wrote it explicitly there (don't worry, it's nowhere near as long as this one), but to summarize, of course you would get skittish and distrust others after someone, uh, presumably violently take out your eye. That sort of trauma would significantly damage your ability to be vulnerable. Eventually, you forgot how to do it.

Nirei's Interventionism vs. Suo's Non-interventionism

What does it means to be detached from others, versus not?

Semantically, we travel directly upstream of our logic to "not engage" versus "engage”: Nirei directly "jump the gun" to action, while Suo observe and wait— seemingly patiently wait for the relevant party to be ready to come up to him, like he did with Sakura when he was sick; Suo isn't going to force their way. In Roppo Ichiza, while Suo was not in a (physical, locational) position to intercept Shizuka, he was still astounded that Nirei decided to speak to her at all— similar to how he was taken aback at Nirei's arguments for trying to help Sakura when he was sick. Nirei, in the same circumstances, seems to be more anxious that the other party will not come to them at all, so he sprung ahead to grab them where they are at, and drag them along— for their own good (I would not be surprised if the difference in their approach will come to head at some point).

What is tangentially related, and interesting, is in Sugishita's mini-arc. While Suo, the more intuitive and observant of the two, seems to understood Sugishita's state of troubles (if not the exact source of trouble itself) from the very beginning. It makes sense, since Suo was the one to put (or maybe "pit") Sakura and Sugishita together, despite their rocky friendship, by the necessity of battle. Suo does not intervene in improving their relationship before this. He basically says, "This is what Furin needs you two to do, put your big boy pants on and do it." This and Suo's non-interventionist approach points to his theme of maturity, where he treats his peers as (and expect them to be) adult, capable of handling their own troubles and come to him for help when they are ready.

By that same logic, Suo knows, but does not interfere with, Sugishita's troubles. He is waiting for Sugishita to figure out what to do. Should Sugishita come to him for help, Suo would be happy to provide— as he make sure that Sugi knows, later, in a very jokey register

Nirei, on his side of things fulfilled his literal and symbolic function as the interventionist and walked Sugishita through his issues — crucially, walking through it together — in their conversation, which deserves a closer look:

Nirei, unlike Suo, was thrown into the depth, equally as disoriented as Sugishita. It may start as "the blind leading the blind", but it's more like: let's walk down your trouble and figure it out together— like teenagers learning to navigate life together:

Nirei started the conversation completely not knowing what's going on

Catching up to where Sugishita is at

"Let's figure it out together"

Helping Sugishita out by relating his own experience as an example— and also functionally invite Sugishita to be vulnerable, too

And, as Nirei walks through it with Sugishita, by examining his own feelings, he was able to work out what exactly troubles his friends. Nirei's emotional intelligence — the ability to walk in someone's shoes — enables that.

Notice that Nirei understands the situation with both facts and emotions— he is as factually knowledgeable as Suo is. Just that, in communicating, Nirei focuses more on the emotions and lived experiences.

The vice-captains duo is, textually-evident, the heart and the brain. They have both to help them understand the situation, but favor one over the other in resolving the task at hand.

This is why Nirei is more suited to help Sugishita than Suo. When I imagine switching Suo and Nirei in this situation, the scenario comes off very differently: Suo would know exactly what Sugishita is worried about — he will likely remains ahead, waiting for Sugi to catch up/ask questions first (which Sugi have difficulties with in the first place) — which may results in a long stalemate until Sugi figured out what to ask (Suo seems like the type to have infinite patient); Suo will likely also do not relates his own experience with Sakura to Sugi. At any rate, it's a very different experience of admiration from Nirei's anyway; something deeply emotional with a sense of personal shame/inadequacy that is not quite along the line of what Sugi is experiencing. I think Suo versus Sugi conversation, pre-Nirei, would be like two mutually unmovable object staying still on the timescale of the Earth forming and shifting mountains (millions of years).

So, yeah, that's our emotionality duo— suitable for different task, different situation, and that relate a looooooot from their characterization.

Coming back to Suo (because this is, after all, a Suo-post), I offer another facet of why Suo interfere less in others' problems: this is a culture/propriety thing. As I mentioned before, he treats his peers like adults who can come to him when they have problems; he will not poke his nose into their business, even if he sees and knows it. It's a pretty Asian (and Confucian thing, in my experience) to respect other (household)'s privacy with their internal business. You don't tend to pry, allowing other to keep their pride in the public sphere. Nirei, on the other hand, as someone whose life was changed for the better by someone's intervention, sees the value in it. Maybe this come back to Suo's seeing himself as more distant from someone else — their interaction remains in the formal "public sphere" rather than the more personal "private sphere"? Maybe this come back to his theme of maturity and adulthood? Very plausible! But I would not let these very symbolic, second-order extrapolation takes away the focus from the textual evidences, which are, in summary:

Suo thinks before he speaks

Suo relies on facts and general knowledge in helping other with their emotion— he relies on rationality to dispel anxieties (oh, hey, more Backstory Speculations material; remember KEEL? Sakura pulled Suo out with a rational necessity)

Suo waits for other to approach him, rather than pulling them in.

And, looping back one more to speculations, I think it's important to keep in mind that this is likely not only how Suo handles everyone else's emotions, but how he handles his own also.

Appendix: Suo and Nirei as "Emotional" Foil, Suo and Sakura as "Battle" Foil

In Part 1, I heavily rely on Sakura as narrative foil to analyze Suo's habitual deflection, extrapolating the mental and emotional from the physical (the fights). Here we examined in depth Suo and Nirei as complementary foils, emotionally. There seems to be a great triangular balance of the brawn, the heart, and the brain in this trio. In this formulation, we emphasized Suo as the primary vertex of this triangle, Sakura and Nirei's approaches (all-physical versus all-emotional, comparatively) coming to conjunction where Suo is.

This is not to say Suo really is the primary vertex. I like to think of them as an equilateral triangle— equal side lengths, equally important vertices. Did you know that the strongest shape is a triangle? That's why foundation of bridges are made from triangles. Equilateral ones, usually.

Suo is where Sakura's brawn and Nirei's heart comes together. Sakura is where Suo's intellectualization and Nirei's passion comes together (amongst other things, I'm sure, but my brain juice is running out). Nirei is where Sakura's protective tendencies and Suo's laissez-faire, everyone-is-mature-enough policy comes to contact. It's a solid equilateral triangle that will carry them all through the narrative. Seems like, like Sakura's psychological state in the Extinction War arc, we are looking to see it being put to the test — therefore displaying its fortitude — as the narrative unfold.

[natsluttt]

Sweet Pea x Reader.

First kiss.

Warning: a bit of smut but not penetration.

A/n: Hello! This is my first story, sorry if it's short or boring, I hope you like it. <3.

You were outside Sweet Pea's trailer, nervous and anxious. In your hands were the chemistry homework that you had finished just for him since you had always known that the subject was difficult for him You hesitated a little to play but you gathered enough courage and pressed your knuckles several times for a few seconds, getting Sweet Pea's attention.

Toc toc.

I hear Sweet Pea opening the door "¿What?" He says with an annoyed and rude tone until he notices it was you "Oh, sorry." He changes his usual rough look to a more nervous and tense one "What are you doing here?" He says, scratching the back of his neck nervously.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bother you, I just came to leave you your chemistry homework. I know you find the subject difficult." I say, handing him the homework, not knowing what to do, standing there in front of the boy I've had a platonic crush on.

"Oh, thanks, come in, come in." He says, changing his attitude to a more confident one, putting his arm around my shoulder and guiding me to the couch inside his trailer, making me sit on it.

"Thanks, um, I hope that helps you." I don't know what to say at that moment but the tension is evident and Sweet Pea sits next to me, very close to me, our knees touching.

"¿Have I ever told you how much I like you? I'm sorry, I can't hold it in anymore, I love your smile even though you think it's horrible, your hair when you pass by touching it to fix it because you think you look ugly when it's the opposite, or when I invite you to pop's your eyes light up when you see food, or when you read, you concentrate so much that you make little sounds of surprise when you read the story."

I blush when I notice how such a cold and rude boy could say such things, so observant and perspective, I see how his gaze doesn't leave mine and his big hands take my cheeks to join our lips in a tender and soft kiss.

At first it is a tender kiss and our nerves are on edge, both of us blushing without knowing what to do but the kiss becomes hungrier, sweet pea and his movements become more aggressive towards me making him and his strong hands guide me on top of him, taking my waist without stopping kissing me, I begin to feel a lump below me, it was Sweet pea's erection Instinctively I move my hips towards him causing him to grunt causing his hips to move as well helping me create more friction and his grip on my hips becomes stronger and rougher.

"Shit, don't stop." Sweet Pea says in a tone of voice I've never heard before and our movements between the two of us become more aggressive and desperate, I feel myself getting wet.

I despair and begin to hug him, hiding my head in his neck as my face began to show pleasure, making me feel embarrassed, and my mouth was making obscene sounds.

"No, look at me, I want to see your pretty face while my erection is against your cute pussy." Sweet Pea says guiding his hand to my neck forcing me to look at him but before doing so he asks me something else "¿Can I do it?"

I nod desperately, I liked this new sensation and I felt hornier and hornier.

"That's a good girl." He says, beginning to guide me with just his hand on my neck and increasing his movement against me. "I want to hear you, baby."

I listen to him and stop being silent, my moans louder than ever, feeling how tired I was and feeling how wetter I was getting, I was soaked.

"Oh, look at her, all wet from a few simple movements, you're a very dirty little bitch, huh?"

After a few minutes we stop and Sweet Pea is lying down, me on top of him catching our breaths, embarrassed but happy to have shared my first experience with him.

"I hope you liked it." He says, lifting my face so I look at him, his tone of voice sweet and concerned for me, the complete opposite of what I saw a few minutes ago, and starting to play with my hair to relax me.

"I loved it, thank you." *I say kissing his lips briefly and returning to my previous position since I was too tired also safe in his arms starting to fall asleep in his arms, sweet pea noticing that he easily lifts me up, making us lie down together on the couch and putting a blanket that was nearby on top of us, making me lie down on his chest and him kissing me on my forehead while his arms surround me making me fall asleep safely and protected in an incredible nap.

A/n: I hope you liked it. Sorry if it was a bit rushed, as I wanted to finish it sooner and couldn't wait to upload it. I promise there will be better things to come, and thanks for reading. 💞

[soobjvn]

SPOTLIGHT ✴︎ 005. “ friends? acquaintances? ,,

PREV. TOC. NEXT.

✴︎ cw — smau + written (wc: 0.7k)

✴︎ taglist — @seunghancore @sngleehee @jakeyverse @llvrhee @sakanelli-afc @sincerelyrki @soobieboobiedoobiedaboobie @darlingz99 @enhaslxt

✴︎ a/n — i think ab those hee pics at least 5 times a day.

YN WAS IN the middle of internally questioning her luck, when her manager, donghyun, snapped her out of her thoughts.

“yn? we’re here.” she didn’t have the energy to give him anything more than a nod—not only because the whole heeseung ordeal was stressful enough, but her managers had so kindly scheduled this meeting for 8am—and she slid out of the car door, looking up at the massive HYBE building in front of her, its height seemingly taunting her and her unfortunate circumstances. her and heeseung’s managers had settled on this location, as it was a safer option than a local coffee shop where they’d likely be spotted by fans.

it was equally as stunning on the inside as it was on the outside, she mentally remarked, as she strode in the door being held open for her. sure, she’d been here before for meetings or to pick up soobin after practice for late night ramen runs, but it never failed to amaze her. CUBE seemed incredibly dull in comparison—and not just physically.

“alright, they said to meet them on the 4th floor… room 407,” donghyun read off from his text messages, giving yn an encouraging smile. the elevator ride felt far too short, yn thought, its ding! a signal they’d arrived, but also that yn was too close to the moment she’d been dreading.

it didn’t take them long to find the room, as a staff member stood outside of room 407, holding its door open and beckoning them inside while offering them coffee. yn accepted it hastily. she would need something to get her through this.

“ah, i’m incredibly sorry,” the staff member who yn assumed to be heeseung’s manager started, sitting across from yn and her manager. “heeseung’s running a bit late this morning. he should be here any minute now.”

really? even when he’s not physically present he still manages to be an inconvenience. yn texted her mental complaints to her group chat and scoffed. but, heeseung’s manager—who introduced herself as sunhee—was correct, and not even two minutes later the man himself rushed into the room, running a hand through his disheveled hair. yn couldn’t help but laugh at the idea that his tardiness may have been the result of his photoshoot she’d seen pictures from on his twitter earlier.

“i’m so sorry,” he began, taking the seat directly across from yn. “i hope you weren’t waiting too long?” he was speaking to her and her manager, but that didn’t stop him from keeping his eyes locked solely on yn.

“no worries, we just arrived.” heeseung visibly relaxed then, nodding at donghyun’s words.

“oh, good,” he smiled, folding his hands properly on the table. “it’s nice to see you, yn.”

“yeah, you too.” yn leaned back casually, her arms crossed.

what is up with him and his staring? she watched him as his eyes observed her face, as if she was a specimen he had to study. he let his eyes drop only momentarily to the rest of her, a notion that didn’t go unnoticed by yn. creep.

“well,” donghyun began after introducing himself to heeseung. “i hear there’s some… discord between the two of you?”

“yes.”

“not really.”

they spoke their conflicting answers simultaneously, making their managers exchange confused glances. yn gave heeseung a stern look, but the look he gave her in return was nothing but playful.

“to clarify, she doesn’t like me.” heeseung’s grin grew as he watched yn visibly swell with frustration.

“for valid reasons.”

“such as?”

“do you want a list?”

“i don’t think i’m that awful, yn.”

“well, heeseung, maybe you should rethink that.”

“hm, you’re cute when you’re angry.”

he cannot be serious.

“heeseung, i swear—”

“okay!” sunhee clapped her hands together, casting donghyun a concerned look, but he only laughed.

“ah, i think i see what’s going on here.” he twirled the pen in his hand. he gave sunhee a knowing grin, and she nodded in agreement. whatever nonverbal language this was, yn didn’t like it. “but i digress. our goal today is to get you two on better terms, but obviously we have some ways to go…”

“definitely.” sunhee sighed, stirring her coffee.

“hey, not my fault,” heeseung chimed in, raising his hands defensively, and it took everything in yn not to throw her latte on his face. “come on, let’s just be friends, yn, hm?”

“no.”

“acquaintances?”

“no.”

“well, i tried.” he combed his hair with his fingers again, keeping eye contact that yn hated to admit made her stomach churn. she could certainly admit he was an asshole, but to call him anything less than gorgeous would simply be a lie.

yn sighed, sipping her drink. this is going to be a long meeting.

— soobjvn 𐙚⊹

[voraciousvore]

Giganterra (Chapter 46)

Prologue/ TOC | Previous (45) | Next (47)

Content Warning: Soft vore, full tour (not explicit at the end), sexual themes, some graphic descriptions of digestion (prey does not actually get digested)

Word Count: 3.1k

------ Chapter 46: Living Labyrinth ------

Candy sat in Hardon’s stomach, watching the living meat walls shift and churn in a rhythmic pattern. The growls from his stomach as it attempted to digest her rumbled like an earthquake and thundered in her ears. The acid swirled and fizzed around her, breaking down unrecognizable chunks of dissolving food into grotesque mush. 

She had been in this stinking sack of meat many, many times by now. However, this particular instance was different. Her fear was fresh, the tension as harsh and palpable as the noxious fumes. Candy was terrified the king would uphold his threat to not let her out. The last place she wanted to die was inside him, to be absorbed into his body, to become one with the giant she found so repulsive. 

The king went about his day as usual, walking and moving and sitting. Candy sloshed around in his belly with every movement, lapped by waves of acid. Even when he was at rest, his colossal body was alive around her, throbbing and beating and squelching. When he spoke, the deep, rich tones reverberated through his viscera, filling the hollow spaces in his body and Candy’s like the omniscient voice of a grand deity. Most of the time, Candy could hear him droning on in conversations to other people, but she had to strain to hear anyone else. 

She snapped to attention when she realized he was addressing her directly. “Time is sliding through your fingers, darling,” he cooed, rubbing his belly maliciously. Candy could see the compression from the inside, squishing into the stomach lining. “You don’t have much of it left.”  

“L-let me out of here!” she shouted. She channeled all her frustration and fear into her fist and punched the pressed-in stomach wall with all her might. The deep rumble of a chuckle rolled through the hollow belly, knocking her off her feet. Candy quaked with dread at the terrible sound, tears springing into her eyes.  

“Not this time,” the giant boomed. Candy shuddered as the sonic vibrations reverberated within the fleshy cavity. 

“P-p-please!” Candy wailed. “Why would you do this to me? I’m not ready to die!” All she got in response was another uproarious chuckle that made her skin crawl. 

“Darling... it’s up to you whether you live or die now. If you have the tenacity and mettle to pull through, you might have a chance to survive.” Candy opened her mouth to yell back, only to be tossed backwards as the giant stood up and started walking. She flailed helplessly as the choppy waves of gastric juices slapped her and threatened to subsume her.  

She ruminated on his words with confusion as she rocked in the churning digestive organ, the muscular walls kneading in a regular pattern. The stomach groaned and grumbled as it labored to break her down, just like any other bite of meat. What was she supposed to do? She was trapped. There was no way out. She couldn’t exactly crawl up his throat and free herself. The entrance to the stomach, a ring of tight muscle, pulsed high above her head, out of reach. 

She went limp with wretched anguish, unable to stop the flow of tears again. She didn’t know what to do. Nobody was here to help or comfort her, not even Millie. She was going to die a slow and excruciating death, alone, with only mushy slop for company. The acid splashed around her, dragging her with the current from one end of the stomach to the other. Candy didn’t want to imagine what would happen when the magic serum wore off, and she’d be digested alive. It was too horrific to contemplate; her conscious mind shirked away from it. 

She observed, with foreboding, that the digested pulp was gradually draining out of the stomach. She’d noted the phenomenon before, of course, without much thought of what came next. The food contained in the stomach, once broken down into a slurry, would move on into the next stage of digestion, to the intestines. The nutrients would be further processed and absorbed, and the remainder disposed of. A natural, consistent function, of course, one that comprised the inner world of the giant king. His gastrointestinal system was like an efficient industrial machine, excising the nutrients from the food that he ingested, transforming it into an unrecognizable state as it journeyed entirely through his colossal body, from entrance to exit. Orifice to orifice. Mouth to anus. 

There was a way out. The realization, rather than bringing relief, filled her with horror. She wasn’t ready to explore the unknown depths of his bowels. Candy was so repulsed by the very notion, that she could scarcely even bring herself to consider the idea. However, being reduced to chyme herself didn’t sound any better. She swam around in the pocket of flesh, searching. Her bare foot bumped into a bulbous protrusion at the base of the stomach, partially submerged in gastric fluid. Candy looked down to behold another restricted orifice, similar to the one from which she entered the stomach from the esophagus. 

She froze up, a sickening dread cascading over her. She didn’t want to do this. She wanted to cry again, but she knew it would do her no good. A baleful grumble emanated the boiling sea, making her shudder at the implications. She envisioned her skin peeling of, layer by layer, to expose the raw muscles underneath. The flesh melting away to reveal the shocking white of her bones. Suffocation as the acidic effluvium scorched her lungs. Abysmal agony, relief only coming with the bittersweet embrace of death. The vessel for her soul, diminished to nothing more than an inanimate carcass: calories to pad the fat of the giant’s thighs. 

Intense fear of a harrowing death supplied the impetus to push her onward. She dove down, forcing her hands and arms into the pyloric sphincter. With a deep breath, she plunged her head and torso inside, squirming to force herself through the tight muscular opening. She managed to squeeze down into the duodenum with a repulsive squelch, flopping into the folds of the fleshy tube with revulsion. She didn’t allow herself to contemplate the abysmal fate that awaited her, or think about the consequences of her terrible, but unavoidable, choice. She crawled forward instead, sliding down a trail of bile through the C-shaped bend into the unknown darkness beyond. 

Hardon was sitting on his throne, with his royal advisor standing on one side and his personal guard on the other, when he felt Candy slip into his intestines. He let out a low moan of pleasure as he doubled over and rubbed his abdomen, smiling maniacally to himself. The squirms of her tiny limbs as she clambered through his intestines were like an internal massage in an erogenous zone. The experience was intense enough to arouse him. “Mmmm... Goodness, Candy, that feels sublime... ohhhhhhh...” he moaned near his abdomen, where he knew Candy would be able to hear him. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t quite catch that, Your Majesty. Are you feeling ill?” Leon inquired. He couldn’t help but notice the king mumbling incoherently and moaning, bent over at the waist as he massaged his middle. 

“Shut up, Leon. I’m not talking to you,” King Richard growled. He caressed his paunch and whispered something else, a hideous grin marring his face. 

Leon gulped. “My apologies, Your Majesty. I didn’t mean to interrupt.” He lapsed into silence with growing concern as he watched the odd display, the king murmuring to his midsection like a senile old man.  

“I need to rest,” the king announced, springing out of his chair with a lively enthusiasm that belied his statement. “I will retire to my quarters. Have the kitchen send me something sweet to snack on.” He left, Ajax following close behind. He wanted to release his lust and rub one out in privacy. 

Meanwhile, inside him, Candy navigated the long, winding tunnel of his small intestines. Her progress was sluggish as she waded through the soggy chyme, saturated by gastric fluid and gelatinous mucus. The tapestry of villi coating the inner folds of flesh rippled in a steady current, gradually dragging the mushy contents forward along with her small form. While the fumes weren’t as potent as in the stomach, the smell was still foul, enough to make her retch. 

Nevertheless, despite her horror and abhorrence, she climbed through the hellish maze with a steely determination to survive at all costs. She felt she’d be letting Millie down, her former protector, if she gave up and died in this living sewer pipe. She was terrified. Various sounds echoed through the Stygian corridor in a grotesque and disturbing ambience: the unrelenting pounding of the giant’s heart, gurgles and squelches and deep growls, primordial moans from the unfathomable depths beyond. She felt vulnerable, diminished, and insignificant, lost and alone in what felt like meaty underground catacombs. 

“Mmm, Candy, keep wriggling around like that. It feels so good,” Hardon’s voice blared all around her. Deeper down in his innards, she could mostly only hear the rich bass tones reverberating through the empty cavities. She tried her best to ignore the giant as he teased her and prodded at his gut, compressing the tunnels around her with an uncomfortable squish, like the sound of a wet sponge being wrung out. She wanted to scream when the fleshy folds squeezed around her; she thrashed to escape their tight embrace, sliding out and scrabbling ahead. The king moaned in a deafening rumble that shook her to her marrow, both physically and psychologically.  

She kept moving, even as the banging in her ears intensified with his heightened heartbeat and elevated breathing. She hated to think what he was doing, but the noticeable swishing of the blood through the blood vessels embedded in his organs, his insufferable erotic moans, his rising internal body temperature, and his rocking, jerking motions were impossible to misinterpret. The lecherous, sadistic giant was pleasuring himself to her suffering, reveling in every small squirm that he could feel inside. Candy was mortified, yet unsurprised. She tried not to let his gross perversions phase her and kept going.  

She struggled to maintain her footing as she crawled through the muck, cradled by the undulating intestinal lining. Every subtle movement from the giant’s larger body made her hands slide and swish over the slick, uneven wrinkles, knocking her down in a humiliating sprawl. The tubes twisted and winded in random directions, sometimes dumping her blindly down a chute or reversing course. The unpredictable directions made her dizzy. Occasionally the passageway would slope upward, impossible to climb with how slick and pliable the creases were. Candy could only wait as the muscular contractions slowly shuttled her along, the villi tickling her skin in a way that made her shiver with disgust. 

The conduit of gurgling meat was endless. Candy felt like she had been creeping through miles of sludge. Globs of rancid juices dripped on her head and down her back as she strained to continue forward. An escalating panic grew in her chest, threatening to explode in a tempestuous burst. She recalled Hardon’s cryptic conversation before he swallowed her with fresh understanding, about how it would take days for food to make the full journey through his viscera. He claimed the anti-digestion potion only lasted two days, while the trip through his body could take as long as three. Her limbs weakened at the thought. She couldn’t last that long, within this confined hell. She might not survive; she might exert all this effort, only to die regardless. 

Her world turned sideways, and she rolled along the inner wall of the tube and fell into one of the creases with a nasty plop. The giant’s heartbeat declined, and his breathing deepened, the steady swell and ebb of his body slowing. He was falling asleep. Candy wondered what time it was, whether it was night or if he was just taking a nap after blowing his load. She couldn’t tell. Deep in his bowels, the flow of time was only measured by the steady rippling of the intestines sluggishly shuffling the chyme along a fixed course. She felt as if she had spent an eternity down here, as if she had always been here, wandering in this subterranean labyrinth. Her life on the outside felt like a false dream, a delusional fantasy, a bitter lie.  

Even so, she chased that dream with desperation. She wanted to live. She wanted to be free. In a painful yearning that she had long since buried in sorrows, she even thought about the handsome giant knight she had believed herself to be fated to. That was the worst lie of all. She finally succumbed to her misery and fatigue and collapsed, allowing the pulsing walls to carry her along. She couldn’t propel herself any longer. She cried until she lost consciousness. 

A drop of fluid from the wriggling ceiling splattered her face and stung her eyes, waking her up. She didn’t know how long she had been asleep, but nothing had changed. It was almost as if she had made no progress at all, in the infinite loops of intestines. She didn’t have the strength to pull herself up. She stared numbly at the dripping wrinkles, squiggling with those innumerable sausage-like protrusions. She was thirsty, but of course there was no unpolluted water in sight. She’d probably be hungry too, if her repulsive surroundings didn’t nauseate her so much. She understood now why the king had given her a final breakfast. He knew the torture he was going to put her through, and desired to make her last as long as possible, even if ultimately she didn’t make it out in one piece. 

As if her thoughts had summoned the vile monster, his sonorous voice blasted through his organs. “Candy? Are you still alive in there?” Candy watched helplessly as the tube around her flattened from the pressure of his hand over his gut, while he searched for her. She squeaked when he found her, squashing her in the mass of flesh. She writhed to get free, eliciting a hearty, booming laugh from the giant. 

“Ah, there you are!” his voice bellowed. “You’d better keep moving! You might not finish the course alive at this rate!” Though Candy couldn’t see his face, she could imagine the gross leer on his visage, showing off his big teeth. She shuddered, and he moaned with satisfaction from the sensation. 

“Oh, breakfast time!” the king announced with glee. Candy’s heart sank. She’d been inside him for an entire day. Her time was running out. She felt weak and defeated, drained by the intolerable heat, the odors, the exertion, the grotesque scenery—all of it. She couldn’t bring herself to move a single muscle. 

“Chester! I’m sure you’ve reclaimed my darling Millie by now?” As she laid on her back, squelching through the grooves along with the transformed remains of yesterday’s breakfast, she relinquished all her remaining hope. She couldn’t hear Chester’s response, but she knew there was no way that Millie could escape Chester’s nose.  

There was a long pause. The king’s pulse quickened. “YOU DIDN’T FIND HER?!” he exploded in a deafening roar. Candy was thrown about by the giant’s violent upheaval, slapping into the wall. “THAT’S NO EXCUSE! GET YOUR ASS OUT THERE AND BRING HER TO ME!!!” Candy’s ears rang from the volume, as if cannons had been fired right next to her head. 

Even so, she was elated at the fantastic news. Her sacrifice hadn’t been in vain! Millie had eluded capture! Revitalized, she sprang into action, flipping over to resume her journey. Candy realized she couldn’t let the king win. She couldn’t give up, even when her situation was hopeless. The gigantic body around her shifted and made obnoxious noises, but she pressed on. She could hear the king muttering savage invectives like the drone of thunder, bringing her spiteful satisfaction. 

Her positive mood didn’t last, but her resolve did. She utilized all her remaining willpower to haul one arm in front of the other, clambering over the furrows and through the contorting tangle of twists and bends. The agonizing minutes conglomerated into hours. The going became more difficult as the slurry thickened, and the acidic bile made everything even slimier. Her palms and knees kept slipping, especially as fatigue gnawed at her sore muscles. 

Her senses and thoughts dulled. She couldn’t focus on her surroundings, so much so that she ended up careening down a dark chasm and landing in a shallow cleft made by two ridges of meat. She couldn’t get up, couldn’t even keep her eyes open, so she rested limply in the channel, nudged along by the steady flow. She flickered in and out of awareness, only brought back by the substantial bass of the king’s voice, or when her face was submerged in liquid. 

She became dimly aware of being squeezed through a valve of some sort, and the passage widening around her. The little sausage-shaped protrusions vanished, and the irregular folds gave way to larger ridges in a more standard pattern. Candy felt herself gradually rising, but was too incoherent and unresponsive to do anything. She wasn’t sure if the tunnel was becoming darker or if her eyes weren’t working as well, but she was straining to see any details. The glow from her skin was fading. The flesh encompassing her and pushing her upwards felt hotter, unbearably so. Her skin began to sting in an unpleasant manner, and the malodorous air thinned, making it harder to breathe. Despite these alarming developments, Candy was unable to snap out of her daze. She fainted again. 

Pitch blackness swallowed her mind. She only regained awareness when she was unexpectedly hit by a deluge of icy cold water. She tried to resist, weakly, as powerful giant fingers buffeted her on all sides, washing her off with stinging soap and water. She groaned as she was dried off with a fluffy towel, then dropped onto a soft, dry surface. Her eyes fluttered open. 

She experienced a cold shock as she was met with a frigid gaze from a pair of all-too-familiar gigantic pale irises that struck her to her innermost roots. Staring into those eyes was like diving into an Arctic sea, ringed by glaciers and snowfall. She quivered with abject terror as her rational mind grasped where she was. 

“Welcome back, my sweet little morsel,” King Richard gloated with an obscene grin.  

Chapter 47

Tag List: @tinycoded360 @yummynomms @maybeiamdownbad

[sunnymoonny]

U R IN MY MIND - BCN

sunny é birutinha, louquinha, xonadinha no chris

Bang Chan

Esse era o nome do rapaz que inundava seus pensamentos. Desde muito nova, sempre se viu encantada pelo amigo do seu irmão mais velho. As covinhas, o jeito carinhoso com o qual lhe tratava...ai ai, Bang Chan era um sonho.

E seus pais não pensavam diferente, de certa forma, sempre te empurraram para cima do rapaz. O viam como um ótimo partido para a princesinha da casa.

Desde que fizera 20 anos, sua relação com Chan ficou um tanto... inusitada. Havia começado a sentir coisas pelo rapaz que nunca havia sentindo por ninguém. Era claro que sempre teve um crush no garoto, mas agora, era algo mais forte, mais sedento. Tudo em Chan te incomodava, de forma boa. A forma com que lhe abraçava, a forma que mexia em seu cabelo, a forma como lhe chamava, tudo que Bang Chan fazia lhe incomodava.

Por isso, decidiu extravasar. Começou simples, apenas retribuindo carinhos, apelidos, tudo na mesma intensidade que Chris fazia. Depois, começou com cantadas, das mais simples até às mais complexas, deixando o rapaz cada vez mais confuso ao seu ponto de vista.

Porém, nisso tudo, Bang Chan se esbaldava. Sempre gostou de você. O seu jeitinho, a forma inocente como se portava...queria te colocar em um potinho e proteger de tudo e de todos. Quando seus pais lhe empurravam para cima do garoto, Chris sempre ria e brincava com a situação, mas por dentro, queria te fazer dele ali mesmo. Bang era apaixonado por você, no jeitinho que andava, no jeitinho que sorria, no jeitinho que se vestia...ah, como ele amava como você se vestia. Os seus conjuntos de moletom que te deixavam ainda mais fofa, as camisas que eram o dobro de seu tamanho ou que abraçavam perfeitamente seu corpo, as saias e shorts que desenhavam perfeitamente sua cintura e sua bunda.

Seus pais sempre viram Chan como o garoto certinho, bem comportado, e de fato o Bang era, mas mal sabiam eles o que se passava pela mente do mesmo. Mentiria se dissesse que nunca se pegou pensando na forma que seus seios balançavam quando pulava de alegria, ou como sua bunda ficava quando se curvava para pegar algo em alguma prateleira embaixo da pia da cozinha. Bang Chan ficava doido com aquilo, e ainda mais quando percebeu que fazia certas coisas de propósito, para testar os limites dele.

Mas quem disse que ele guardaria aquilo tudo para si?

_____

Era uma sexta feira a noite. Marcava 20:30 no relógio. Você estava deitada de bruços em sua cama, mexendo em algumas atividades de sua faculdade no computador, havia acabado de tomar um banho, estava cheirosinha, com um conjuntinho de pijama que havia ganhado de sua amiga de aniversário, algo mais ousado. Tudo aquilo por que sabia que Chan chegaria em poucos minutos até a casa onde seu irmão e você dividem.

Dito e feito, alguns minutos depois, escuta a porta da frente bater. Abriu a câmera de seu computador e ajeitou as madeixas que insistiam em cair em seu rosto, as colocando para trás da orelha. Fechou a câmera e voltou a mexer nas atividades, sabendo que em poucos segundos Chan apareceria ali.

Toc Toc Toc

"Pode entrar" disse calma, colocando os pezinhos para cima, os balançando tranquilamente.

Observou a maçaneta rodar e a porta abrir, logo aparecendo ele, Bang Chan. Seus fios castanhos encaracolados estavam cobertos pelo gorro do casaco preto que vestia, fazendo conjunto com o short que também era preto.

"O que minha princesinha está fazendo de bom?"

Minha princesinha. Aquele apelido te arrepiava por inteira.

"Revisando algumas atividades da faculdade, preciso entregar essa aqui amanhã."

"Entendi..." Bang se aproximou da sua cama e se sentou ao seu lado, deixando a mão direita passar carinhosamente e, claramente, com segundas intenções sobre a região de suas costas, ainda cobertas pelo pano vermelho de seda. "Cadê meu abraço?"

Se levantou cuidadosamente da cama, se sentando e abrindo os braços para o mais velho, o vendo refletir a ação e te abraça pela cintura momentos depois. Era reconfortante estar ali, naquela posição nos braços de Bang Chan.

"Tá cheirosa..." Chris começou a dizer, a pontinha do nariz resvalando sobre a pele de seu pescoço, parando em certo ponto apenas para sentir ainda mais da fragrância. "Tudo isso é pra mim?"

"Chanie, para de se sentir o centro das atenções...eu me arrumei para mim mesma, até coloquei o presentinho que minha amiga me deu, o que achou?" Disse se afastando e ficando de joelhos sobre a cama, mostrando o conjunto de seda vermelho, fazendo Chan morder os lábios pela visão.

"Não faz assim, princesa." Se aproximou de você, passando as mãos pelo seu quadril, fazendo um carinho gostoso ali. "Você sabe muito bem o que eu achei."

"Mas eu quero que você diga..." Disse baixinho, apenas para o Bang escutar.

Ao invés de dizer, Chan mostrou. Primeiro, fez como que você se sentasse sobre o colo dele, uma perna de cada lado do quadril. Depois, Chan segurou seu quadril, o posicionando da forma mais confortável possível para te sentir.

"Eu queria me controlar, sabe? Fingir que eu não sou extremamente louco por você e poder seguir minha vida, continuando a respeitar seus pais e seu irmão...mas você dificulta tanto, gatinha." Começou a beijar seu pescoço, as mãos, que ainda estavam sobre seu quadril, pressionando seu corpo para baixo, fazendo você sentir o membro de Chan começando a crescer entre suas pernas. "Você acha mesmo que eu acredito nesse papinho de que você se arrumou pra si mesma, hum? Eu te conheço, princesa, sei o que está tentando fazer à meses."

"Chanie..." Falou baixinho, mais como um gemido, vendo Chan sorrir ladino com o som. "...a porta...meu irmão está em casa."

"Eu tranquei ela depois que eu entrei, fica tranquila... ninguém vai atrapalhar a gente."

Bang Chan era sua morte.

[patchwork-crow-writes]

Thoughts on Kris x Ralsei, continued

(this is a continuation of my first post on this subject, creatively titled Thoughts on Kris x Ralsei. The parts all build upon each other, so it's best to read from the beginning. Here's a little TOC so you can get up to speed:

Part 1: And They Lived Happily Ever After Part 1.5: I Believe Your Choices DO Matter Part 2: A Pair of Star-Cross'd Lovers <- (You Are Here!) Part 2.5: In Another World, We Could Have Been (Just) Friends (Future parts to be added as they are written))

(Please be aware that this series will go over topics including coercion, non-consentual romance, and an observation pertaining to potential incestual undertones. If any of this makes you uncomfortable in any way, please proceed with caution. Thank you)

Part 2: A Pair of Star-Cross'd Lovers

Kris Dreemurr is doomed the instant the player assumes control of them.

If Undertale is a game about how your choices can affect the world, then Deltarune is about how sometimes, your choices mean absolutely nothing. Fate grinds on, irrespective of your wishes. Onward you march, towards your ultimate destiny.

This concept features heavilly in a lot of RPGs - the idea that the protagonist is the "chosen one" who will save the world, which due to the constrains of narrative and gaming, is what ends up happening 95% of the time. Much like the Knight and Princess dynamic I discussed in the previous part, this trope is so heavily ingrained in the gaming psyche that we do tend to accept it when it happens,as part and parcel of the RPG experience.

This very familiar setup is where Kris and Susie find themselves upon meeting Ralsei, who waxes lyrical about the very Non-Specific-and-Light-on-Any-Identifying-Details Legend. They are told that the balance of light and dark is being disrupted and a "terrible calamity (will) occur", are shown some apocalyptic imagery, three heroes who are identified by their race/species (and not their name - a detail which may become important later on), who will stop something nefariously dubbed the "Angel's Heaven". It is Prophecy 101, the most barebones framing for a quest you can imagine... but hey, the game needs a hook, doesn't it? Some grand stakes to get the ball rolling.

And so, the roles are doled out: Kris is the human, the unwavering leader; Susie is the no-nonsense contrarian who doesn't really care much for concepts of fate and determinism, and Ralsei is the exposition fairy, doing his best to keep his comrades on the path he has set out for them.

Ok, cool. But where does Kralsei fit into this? Well, in Part 1 and 1.5 of this series of posts, I brought up how Deltarune goes to great lengths to bring the idea of this pairing to prominence... but I didn't really talk about why the game is doing this. And the answer is, because it ties in with Deltarune's central theme of destiny and determinism. Or to put it another way:

Your Choices Don't Matter.

And here, you might protest. Because surely when the game says that, it's only refering to Kris's choices, right? We, as players, can choose from different dialogue options, we can choose to FIGHT or SPARE our adversaries. More fundamentally, we are the ones in control of Kris's movements and actions, while they are almost entirely powerless to fight our influence (note how I say almost - this will be important later).

But think for a moment about the choices we are given as players, and ask yourself - what meaningfully changes as a result of our actions? In Chapter 1, it doesn't matter whether we fight or spare anyone, they'll all return regardless in Chapter 2, with a single line of dialogue added as a handwave to explain why. And while Chapter 2 gives us a little more say in this - we can lose potential recruits to Castle Town by fighting rather than sparing, and they won't turn up in Ralsei's dark world at the end - the main points of the story do not meaningfully change to reflect this.

(there are, of course, things that we CAN do to change things in a pretty big way *coughSnowgravecough* but given that the means to achieve this are rather well-hidden, and it involves doing some very, VERY messed up things in pursuit of it, we can consider it an exception that proves the rule - technically your choices CAN have consequences, but those consequences are so horrific that you're probably better off not choosing in the first place.)

Okay, sure, you say. But this doesn't apply to the interpersonal relationships in Deltarune, now does it? If we don't want Kralsei to happen, then we simply don't choose any of the options that hint at it. That much must be in our power, surely?

To which I have one riposte: the Acid Tunnel of Love.

Brief overview of this sequence: Kris and Ralsei are tasked with "distracting" Queen while Susie and Berdly go to rescue Noelle. Literally on the next screen, the only way to proceed is across a giant river of acid, atop a swan pedallo, while soft carnival-style music plays in the background. Partway through, Ralsei has a heart-to-heart with Kris/the player, Rouxls Kaard does what he does best, and a photo may or may not be taken at the end.

You don't get to choose not to do this (unless you do that other thing which we're not discussing here). This just happens. And it's difficult to get away from the fact that this entire scenario is dripping with romantic undertones, especially when it's contrasted directly afterwards with Susie and Noelle's equally-romantically-charged Rescue and Ferris Wheel ride.

But then, perhaps it's a parody. A funny contrivance that sends up the absurdity of Kralsei by comparing it to a romantic pairing with actual weight, Suselle. But there are two problems with this; the first is that if we write off this scene as parody, then we must also do the same with the ferris wheel, because they both operate under the same logic - they're both based on a massive contrivance.

The second problem is that Ralsei doesn't seem to have got that memo. And no matter how you respond to his questions, the scene will end with his admiration for Kris strengthened. There is NO dialogue option you can select which will dissuade him from his feelings.

Exhibit A: calling Ralsei a lackey will have him cheerfully exclaim "Ooh, I've never been somebody's lackey before!" (because he's a darkner, that's literally what he was designed to be). Exhibit B: saying "It's strange" has Ralsei write off his question as, erm, "sarcasm". Which would perhaps be read as a rebuttal, except that his understanding of social situations is so minimal that he might genuinely believe he's committed a serious faux pas here, rather than interpret the response as a rejection. It also doesn't change his follow-up response, either. Exhibit C: Saying nothing when he says "it's good that you're you" has him laugh at how "Kris-like" not saying anything is, before saying that he "[likes] you-like things".

Cue Ralsei haters throwing their hands up in exasperation.

Contrast again with Susie and Noelle's scene. Here, too, we're presented with options to influence how things will happen. But the crucial difference is, we have absolutely zero sway over Susie, and she will always choose to say and do her own things. Here, too, we are powerless to intervene, but in a more direct way, whereas with Kralsei, even though we CAN choose an option, none of them make a difference to the scene or its outcome. This serves to show just how much agency Susie actually possesses, and is a stark contrast to Kris's severe lack of agency... as well as our own.

What does that mean, exactly? Well, consider this: Susie is free to make her own decisions, up to and including choosing NOT to pursue Noelle romantically. Kris, on the other hand, has no such freedom, and thus cannot choose to opt out of entering into a relationship with Ralsei. And, as I have alluded to a few times, neither can we, despite what our own feelings on the situation might be.

And thus we come to the title of this part - Kris and Ralsei are Star-Crossed. No reference to this line is made in Deltarune as of present, but it has numerous connotations which I believe are relevant to these two characters. Firstly, the idea that their connection is destined to occur - it's written in the stars, woven into the game's literal architecture. As such, there is nothing that anyone can do to stop it from happening - not Ralsei, who probably would be quite thrilled with it, not the player, who try as they might cannot influence it either way, and certainly not Kris, who is almost entirely unable to voice their own desires. We are each as powerless as each other in this instance.

Secondly, the idea that this destined relationship, no matter what form it might take, is doomed to end in tragedy. From the reaction to the various teas, we can infer that Kris is lukewarm on Ralsei at best (this may change as future chapters are released, but it's not exactly a ringing endorsement). And as time goes on, it becomes increasingly apparent that Ralsei is likely labouring under a false notion of who Kris actually is, and has fallen for the idea of Kris that he has conjured up in his own head, rather than the genuine article.

But the problem is more fundamental still, for if we understand the prophecy correctly, light and dark must be in balance - they cannot mix. That means no new dark fountains, which means that Ralsei can never manifest anywhere as a darkner once the events of the game are concluded. This would of course preclude any sort of interpersonal connection, romantic or otherwise. The best that could be hoped for in such a scenario is that Ralsei returns to whichever object he represents in the light world and Kris keeps him around as a memento.

This all assumes a great deal, of course - Kris's stance on Ralsei may well change, and for all we know Ralsei is more than likely very aware that we exist separately from Kris, as evidenced by his clandestine conversations with Kris while we see what Susie's up to. Additionally, it is entirely possible that Ralsei has instead fallen for US through Kris, which presents... additional complications. More on that later.

All of this leads us back to the central conceit of Deltarune: Our choices do not matter. Nothing we say, nothing we do, can change what is going to happen. We don't know exactly where this is going to go, whether they will fall into a full-on romance, or if they become something more akin to queerplatonic partners, or good friends, or something like siblings, or perhaps even mortal enemies. But one thing is for sure - Deltarune is going to continue cramming Kralsei down our throats, whether we like it or not.

...okay, think I best stop there for now. And look, I know I haven't really gone too much into the why of all this just yet. But patience - much of the past few essays have been establishing the groundwork - the what and the how, if you like. I'n Part 3, I'll attempt to go over what I believe the Narrative (i.e. the game) is trying to accomplish with Kralsei - what it's trying to say about games, stories, romance, and how we can be manipulated into endorsing a potentially problematic relationship, irrespective of the wishes of the vessel we control.

Thanks for reading!

[moafloribunda]

boredom ✧ yeonbin

pairing - yeonjun x soobin

tw - du love, du fluff, de la malice, des baisers, des rires

✧ (mention légère de santé mentale)

D’épais flocons de neige tombaient de l’autre côté de la fenêtre et mes yeux s’égaraient de temps à autre pour observer leur ballet dans la nuit noire. Certains d’entre eux, portés par le vent, échouaient contre la vitre avant de disparaître après quelques secondes, remplacés par d’autres congénères au fur et à mesure. 

Le silence de la pièce n’était troublé que par le bruissement des pages tournées au fur et à mesure de ma lecture, la musique qui résonnait doucement en fond sonore et les battements réguliers de mon cœur.

Ces instants d’accalmie étaient comme des oasis après des heures à marcher en plein désert. Ils étaient rares mais ils remplissaient ma poitrine d’une quiétude réconfortante. Depuis des années, ma vie était minutée comme du papier à musique et j’avais souvent l’impression qu’elle était hors de mon contrôle. D’être déplacé comme une marionnette au gré des besoins et de ne plus pouvoir agir de mon propre chef. Puis je me rappelais que c’était ma propre décision de faire partie de cet univers et que je l’avais fait en conscience. Et je continuais d’avancer, sachant que j’avais volontairement vendu mon âme au diable pour pouvoir poursuivre mes rêves. 

Pourtant, il y avait certains jours où mes épaules ne me semblaient plus capables de supporter le poids de la célébrité. Où les flashs devenaient aveuglants, où les cris résonnaient avec brutalité dans mes oreilles, où la pression enflait tellement à l’intérieur de ma poitrine qu’elle menaçait d’exploser à tout instant. Où je subissais les heures qui passaient, comme dissocié de mon propre corps, incapable de suivre la cadence. Où je demandais l’impossible à celui-ci pour réussir à tenir mes engagements et répondre aux exigences du métier. Et c’était lors de ces moments là que je rêvais de disparaître, de devenir invisible rien que quelques heures pour respirer, pour apaiser le chaos qui régnait dans le creux de ma tête.  

Alors je savourais chaque seconde de ces courtes pauses, quelles qu’elles soient. 

Mon regard saute d’une ligne à l’autre et je laisse échapper un bâillement, tournant la page pour avoir le fin mot du chapitre. 

Depuis quand est-ce que je n’avais pas fait une chose aussi simple que de lire ?

Un soupir dépasse la barrière de mes lèvres et je presse celles-ci l’une contre l’autre, mes doigts tapotant le dos du livre. 

Toc toc.

Des coups sont frappés contre la porte de ma chambre et je lève la tête, une silhouette apparaissant à l’entrée de la pièce. Un fin sourire étire mes lèvres en apercevant le nouvel arrivant, les mains plongées dans les poches de son jogging. Une question silencieuse flottait dans ses yeux sombres et j’acquiesce d’un léger mouvement avant de me replonger dans ma lecture, le cliquetis de la porte résonnant quelques secondes plus tard.

Yeonjun n’aimait pas rester seul très longtemps. 

Les autres garçons avaient déserté le dortoir pour la soirée et j’étais pratiquement certain qu’il avait réussi à s’occuper pendant une bonne heure avant de commencer à tourner en rond et d’errer comme une âme en peine. Puis il avait pesé le pour et le contre pendant un long moment sur le fait de venir me déranger parce qu’il savait à quel point ces interludes étaient précieux pour moi, la lèvre coincée entre ses dents. Avant de perdre face à son besoin de compagnie et de se traîner jusqu’à ma chambre comme un caneton abandonné par sa mère.

À mon plus grand dam, il était très difficile de lui refuser quoi que ce soit. 

Il se laisse retomber mollement sur le lit, sa jambe effleurant la mienne dans le mouvement avant de rouler sur le côté pour se mettre à plat ventre.

Il reste étrangement silencieux et je lui jette un rapide coup d'œil avant de retrouver la ligne à laquelle je m’étais arrêté, les minutes s’étirant dans un silence confortable.

C’était ce qui était bien avec Yeonjun. Nous n’avions pas besoin de combler le vide. Du moins, en règle générale. Parfois, il venait simplement se poser près de moi et il s’occupait sur son téléphone, la tête posée sur mon épaule. La présence de l’autre suffisait. Mais là, je sentais une énergie différente. Et je savais que ma paix n’allait pas durer.    

— Soobin-a, souffle-t-il d’une voix plaintive.

Touché. 

— Mmmh ? 

— Je m’ennuie, déclare-t-il, pliant un bras pour laisser son menton reposer dans le creux de sa paume.

J’aperçois son expression dépitée en lui jetant un coup d'œil, son visage traversé par cette moue qui est devenue sa marque de fabrique et je pouffe.

— Je vois ça, je réponds distraitement en tournant une nouvelle page de mon bouquin. 

Ma capacité d’attention n’était pas très haute, pour ne pas dire pratiquement inexistante et j’avais eu espoir de réussir à finir mon livre, mais je n’en étais plus si sûr en cet instant. 

Mon moment de tranquillité s’était terminé à l’instant même où il avait passé le pas de la porte. Parce qu’il avait beau être respectueux de mes envies de calme, il n’allait pas réussir à se retenir très longtemps et je n’étais pas en mesure de lui refuser quoi que ce soit.

Oui, j’étais tout ce qu’il y a de plus faible face à Yeonjun. Et il le savait très bien. 

Mais je n’allais pas lui faciliter la tâche non plus, parce que c’était amusant de le voir redoubler d’efforts pour attirer mon attention.

Je poursuis ma lecture, mon regard attiré ici et là par le battement de ses jambes. Il soupire, son doigt glissant sur son écran pour faire défiler les pages et la pièce retrouve la sérénité qui la caractérisait avant son arrivée. 

Et je compte moins de cinq minutes avant qu’un nouveau soupir ne franchisse la barrière de ses lèvres. Cependant, je fais mine de ne pas m’y intéresser, les lèvres frémissantes d’un sourire que j’ai du mal à contenir. 

— Soobin. 

— Yeonjun, je réponds, malicieux. 

— Je m’ennuie. 

— Je sais. J’avais compris la première fois, je rétorque platement et sans perdre cet éclat de malice luisant dans mes yeux.

Il grommelle, délaissant son téléphone pour passer une main dans ses cheveux, les repoussant en arrière.

— Tu le fais exprès, ronchonne-t-il, plissant une nouvelle fois la bouche.

— Moi ? Pas du tout.

Le froissement d’une page trouble le silence et je replie une jambe, mon talon battant la mesure sur le matelas.

Celui-ci se creuse aussitôt et Yeonjun se rapproche d’un mouvement furtif. Il s’avachit à moitié sur mon torse, penchant la tête pour s’interposer entre le livre et moi. Je ris devant cette invasion de mon espace vital, clairement destinée à détourner mon attention de mon ouvrage. Amusé par sa persistance, je baisse les yeux sur lui et le découvre en train de m’observer intensément, les sourcils froncés. 

— Tu as besoin de quelque chose ? je l’interroge, amusé.

— Soobin.

— Oui ? 

— Distrais-moi.

Je glousse, refermant le livre avant de le tapoter doucement sur le haut de sa tête. 

— T’es vraiment impossible. 

L’acharnement de Yeonjun avait quelque chose d’enfantin, pareil à celui d’un gamin qui tannerait ses parents jusqu’à ce qu’il obtienne le jouet qu’il avait tant désiré. Mais cet aspect de lui était attendrissant, d’une certaine manière et il était difficile de lui en vouloir. Je savais que si je lui demandais à cet instant précis de quitter la pièce pour prolonger ma lecture, il le ferait. Et ce, même s’il en ressortait frustré. 

Tout ça, par égard pour moi.

Alors ça me confortait dans l’idée de répondre favorablement à sa demande.  

— Mais tu m’aimes comme ça, non ? réplique-t-il, en papillonnant des cils de façon tout ce qu’il y a de plus candide. 

— À mon plus grand regret, je murmure, et je remets souvent mes choix de vie en question. 

Son poing cogne contre ma poitrine pour toute réponse, faisant redoubler mon hilarité. Je tends le bras pour déposer mon ouvrage sur la table de nuit avant de le glisser négligemment dans le dos de Yeonjun, penchant la tête sur le côté. 

— Et comment suis-je censé te distraire, hyung ? je l’interroge, taquin. 

Il fait mine de réfléchir un instant, les lèvres et le menton plissés par la concentration avant de secouer la tête. 

— Je ne sais pas…Surprends-moi.

Son regard si semblable à celui d’un renard m’étudie, malicieux.

Teinté de défi. 

— Tu es sûr de toi ? je souffle, le coin de la bouche étiré par un rictus. 

— Certain. 

Sa réponse est immédiate et elle exsude une telle confiance de sa part qu’elle répand une douce chaleur dans ma poitrine. 

Mes mains remontent le long de sa colonne vertébrale pour se poser sur ses épaules et je le sens se tendre, dans l’expectative. Mon sourire s’accentue à l’écho du frisson qui le parcourt, à la manière dont ses yeux s’étaient légèrement clos au passage de mes doigts. Et je me penche en avant, réduisant la distance entre nous. 

D’un mouvement vif, je le pousse sur le côté pour inverser nos positions et il se retrouve étalé sur le dos en travers du lit, mon corps ployant au-dessus du sien. 

Son visage s’était paré d’une expression surprise et ses yeux s’écarquillent de compréhension en voyant mes mains s’approcher de ses flancs avant d’être engloutis par une lueur de profonde panique. 

C’était lui qui m’avait laissé carte blanche, après tout. 

Son rire emplit la pièce, plus proche d’un gloussement étouffé et je continue de le chatouiller avec énergie, m’amusant de la manière dont il se tortillait pour essayer d’échapper à mon emprise. Ses mains cherchaient à me repousser en arrière, mais ses gestes manquaient de puissance à cause de la torture que je lui faisais subir et j’avais bloqué ses jambes entre les miennes pour le maintenir en place.

Il était à ma merci et je le tourmente jusqu’à ce qu’il me supplie d’arrêter, à deux doigts de rendre son dernier souffle. 

Ses joues s’étaient parées de rose et son souffle, saccadé, s’échappait à travers ses lèvres entrouvertes. Ses cheveux d’un rouge flamboyant formaient une corolle autour de sa tête et ses paupières closes me dissimulaient la profondeur de son regard. Mon cœur rate un battement devant le tableau sous mes yeux et je prends quelques secondes pour le contempler à la dérobée. 

Son corps s’était enfoncé dans le matelas, vidé de ses forces et je l’observe, satisfait. 

— Monsieur est satisfait par la distraction ? je demande, joueur. 

Il gémit pour toute réponse, glissant un bras en travers de son visage. 

— Non, Soobin. Mourir de rire n’était pas spécialement dans mes projets pour la soirée.

— Il fallait être plus précis dans ta demande, dans ce cas, je rétorque avec un air innocent. En plus, c’est une belle mort quand on y pense. 

— Je ne m’attendais pas à des chatouilles.

Je hausse un sourcil, curieux avant de me pencher en avant pour aller à sa rencontre.

— Oh. Et tu t’attendais à quoi, exactement ? je l’interroge, avec un air mutin.

Il murmure quelque chose que je n’arrive pas à saisir et je soulève son bras pour dévoiler ses traits dans leur entier. Ses pommettes étaient toujours roses, mais son regard, lui, me fuyait. 

— Mmh ? je souffle, la tête penchée sur le côté. Je n’ai pas compris. 

Il me jette un regard avant de détourner à nouveau les yeux.

— …chose, marmonne-t-il dans sa barbe. 

— Articule, Yeonjunie.

Il pousse un grognement frustré. 

— Je m’attendais à autre chose. 

— Comme quoi ?

Sa soudaine timidité me remplissait d’un sentiment indescriptible. Elle était totalement à l’opposée du personnage qu’il incarnait sur scène, de cette prestance indéniable et presque intimidante qui émanait de lui lorsqu’il se produisait face à un public. Et elle n’appartenait qu’à moi. Il y avait quelque chose d’infiniment attendrissant à le voir mâcher ses mots et rougir comme il le faisait en cet instant et ma poitrine débordait de tendresse à son égard. 

— Tu sais très bien, renchérit-il, les sourcils froncés et la bouche plissée.

Adorable. 

Je souris plus largement, ma paume effleurant sa joue avant de s’y poser. Et même s’il me regarde toujours avec cet air contrit, il presse davantage son visage contre ma peau, dans une invitation muette. 

Je me penche davantage, son nez frôlant le mien. 

— Je n’en suis pas sûr…je murmure, les yeux brillants de malice. Tu ne veux pas me rafraîchir la mémoire ?  

Il soupire à nouveau, exaspéré, mais le sourire qui étire ses lèvres est similaire au mien. 

— Embrasse-moi, Choi Soobin. C’est bon pour toi ?  

— Tu vois quand tu veux, je roucoule, espiègle.

Puis je m’exécute, pressant ma bouche contre la sienne. 

Ses bras s’enroulent autour de ma taille, me pressant davantage contre lui et je prends son visage en coupe. Un baiser, puis deux, puis trois. Ils étaient remplis de toute l’affection que je lui portais, de cette immensité tiède et chaleureuse qui menaçait de me faire suffoquer quand je le regardais. Puis je dévie sur le côté, embrassant furtivement sa joue avant de remonter plus haut. Le bout de son nez, le coin externe de son œil, à l’endroit exact où se trouvait son grain de beauté. Mes doigts glissent sur son front pour relever ses cheveux et je dépose mes lèvres là aussi, son emprise se resserrant sur le tissu de mon tee-shirt. 

Son souffle échoue dans le creux de mon cou et il m’arrache un frisson. Je refais le chemin inverse, parsemant paresseusement sa peau de l’autre côté avant de retrouver sa bouche, bercé par la musique qui continuait de tourner dans la pièce et le parfum rassurant de Yeonjun qui flottait tout autour de moi. 

Pêche et thé blanc. 

Une fragrance qui me faisait me sentir en sécurité, qui me rappelait que je me trouvais à l’endroit exact où j’étais le plus heureux. 

Chaque geste était lent, poussé par la tendresse plus que toute autre chose. Par cette envie de s’appartenir avec douceur, sans la moindre brusquerie. D’apprécier les minutes qui semblaient s’écouler comme des heures, sans penser au lendemain, dans la paix la plus complète. 

Juste Yeonjun et moi. 

Il n’y avait que dans la quiétude d’une chambre, la porte close, que nous pouvions nous permettre d’être nous-mêmes. Parce que personne ne nous obligeait à respecter une distance, à nous tenir éloignés l’un de l’autre pour maintenir l’illusion.

Ne subsistait que nos deux cœurs à l’unisson, la chaleur de sa peau contre la mienne et l’intensité de nos sentiments, cette complicité qui dépassait la mesure humaine. 

Et pour être honnête, c’était les moments que je préférais le plus.  

Même une soirée passée dans le silence le plus complet à lire ne valait rien face à la liesse qui vibrait dans ma poitrine quand il était lové contre moi, sa tête posée sur le haut de mon torse et ses bras refermés autour de ma taille. 

C’était là où je me sentais le plus complet : à ses côtés.

Je recule après un dernier baiser sur ses lèvres pleines, l’admirant avec un doux sourire. Et il me fixe de la même manière, les yeux pétillants. 

— Mieux ? je murmure, en traçant des symboles imaginaires sur son pectoral. 

Il rit et ça me rappelle que je ne serais jamais lassé de la manière dont ses yeux se plissent à ce geste, accentuant la délicatesse de ses traits. 

— Beaucoup mieux, répond-il sur le même ton, avant de se mordiller la lèvre inférieure.

Je hausse un sourcil. 

— …Mais ? 

Ses traits se plissent un instant. 

— Il manque un petit quelque chose…souffle-t-il, l’air pensif. 

— Qui est ? 

Il me jette un regard, ses lèvres s’étirant soudainement je le soupçonne d’avoir une idée derrière la tête. Quand il arborait cette expression semblable à celle d’un regard, ce n’était jamais bon signe.  

Ses mains, toujours posées sur ma taille se déplacent et mon corps se crispe légèrement à cause de l’appréhension. Mais Yeonjun m’arrache un soupir lorsque celles-ci se glissent sous la lisière de mon pull pour atteindre ma peau, l’effleurant du bout des doigts. Je me détends sous la caresse, étudiant les contours de son visage pendant qu’il continue de tracer un chemin le long de mes flancs. 

L’instant d’après, il agrippe ma taille et retourne la situation d’un coup de hanches, me faisant basculer sur le côté avec un geignement étouffé. Je me retrouve à la place qu’il occupait précédemment, sa figure me surplombant avec une fierté non dissimulée. 

— Là, c’est encore mieux, déclare-t-il, avec un rictus.

Je pouffe face à son air de pure satisfaction. Je plie mes bras derrière ma tête, l’observant avec amusement. 

— Tu sais, tu n’avais qu’à demander si tu voulais être au-dessus.  

Ses yeux s’écarquillent et ses pommettes rougissent devant mon audace. 

— Soobin. 

— Je dis ça comme ça, je susurre innocemment.  

Ses lèvres frémissent d’un rire difficilement contenu et je penche la tête sur le côté, mais l’une de ses mains s’approche pour attraper mon menton en douceur pour la redresser vers lui. Il se penche pour presser un baiser qui a un goût d’inachevé sur ma bouche avant de reculer, son regard descendant plus bas. 

— La proposition est tentante, marmonne-t-il, mais je dois faire autre chose en premier lieu.

— C'est-à-dire ? 

— Me venger.

Au même moment, ses doigts s’attaquent d’un seul coup à mes côtes et un gloussement s’échappe de ma gorge face à l’attaque surprise. Nos rires emplissent la chambre, accompagnés de supplications et de membres entremêlés par nos roulades successives pour reprendre le contrôle de la situation. 

Dehors, la neige continue de tomber. 

Mais à l’intérieur, le temps semble s’être arrêté.

Et l’espace d’un instant, je me mets à espérer que ce bonheur se poursuive pour l’éternité.

[leregirenga]

Amarnos... Lo hemos convertido en arte, en obra magistral dónde ponemos el corazón y las ganas enormes de sentirnos. Es así como deseo cada día... Am-arte Observ-arte Enamor-arte Bes-arte Abraz-arte Acarici-arte Dese-arte Toc-arte Mir-arte Cre-arte Con cariño, dulzura, ternura, mágicamente en mis sueños, entre mis manos, cuerpo a cuerpo, con la piel y los labios... Simplemente am-arte... Leregi Renga

[ninjastar107]

Puckman head cannon lore stuff under the cut. I'm having a normal one.

I am prefacing this with the not that most some of these are based on observations made from the Pacman World series, and Pac n Roll. Ive had a lot of thoughts about this guy, some influenced by the ideas of others that I've seen over the years.

We'll begin with early life. Puck hails from a small community of Pacs living in a rural hilly town. He doesn't have parents, and in turn is raised with the other kids in his community by the collective of the adults and families living there. He is a little offputting with how all over he can be, but works hard and has a keen eye for puzzles. He's not a straight-A student by any means, but he excels at history and helping out outside of school.

One fall he takes a bus out of town to Castle Pac, following a recommendation from a teacher, and stays over at Pac-Master's house for lessons in ghost hunting. His town had been haunted a few times before and thus he isn't unfamiliar with them, however his lack of skills in that area and general ease-of-fright isn't very helpful when they attack. It is here he struggles through becoming a pac-warrior, training hard to get better. He also meets Ms.P, Pac-Masters daughter and skilled warrior. He also helps along with the towns harvest festival, which happens to go a bit awry in the night with Golvis shows up.

After that, the two don't see each other for awhile. He returns to his home town for a bit before going abroad following lost legends. He winds up helping a professor out with some research, befriending a few pookas, and of course chasing a pesky set of ghosts who happen to hold a bit of a grudge.

He and Ms.P meet up at a night club in Pac City where they reconnect and exchange stories. Turns out she also was hired by Professor-Pac to help with research, and the two work together and hit it off. They have their first kid, 'Junior', and adopt their second kid later. Puck, squirrely as usual, sometimes goes overboard in trying to help his kids. Most cases he rambles on about plans, Ms.P winds up cutting him off sometime after Junior has walked away and begun doing something.

Misc notes: * Puck and Ms.P are t4t. They haven't married and they live together and have a funky QPR thing happening. * Junior is mute. * The ghost gang are frenemies with Puck. Sure they want him out of their plans, but also they will happily be invited over for lunch. (So long as they aren't on the menu) * Orson and him hang out sometimes. Orson is not afraid to make an invention that 'doesn't work properly' for the sake of inconveniencing Puck. He did blow up Orsons' Toc-Man after all. * The Fairy Queen appreciates his time and effort he puts into returning lost fairies to her or their homes. * I forgot the witches name but she's around. She wants Puck to explode forever, not happening though. (Her name is Ghost Witch)

[vulnerablequeen]

Le TOC

Je regarde mon chat qui me regarde. Ses grands yeux verts me scrutent. Je ne sais pas à quoi il pense. Il a le regard vif, il y a clairement bien des choses qui se passent dans cette petite caboche adorable. Lui, il ne se doute pas des pensées qui traversent mon esprit à chaque millième de seconde. 

Des pensées qui virevoltent, qui se bousculent. Ma tête est Times Square un samedi soir. Les touristes ne sont pas les plus bienveillants dans ce cerveau-là. Ils polluent l’atmosphère en criant des injures, en peignant des portraits irréalistes, en créant des scénarios qui relèvent de la folie furieuse.

Ce sont les pires artistes que j’ai rencontrés.

Et ils s’invitent comme ça, dans ma tête, en me montrant leur art désastreux en boucle. Sans cesse. Sans relâche. 

Ils vont puiser leur créativité dans mes failles, mes travers, mes doutes. Leur plus grande inspiration demeure ma confiance en moi. Cette partie si fragile de ma personnalité leur donne du gaz à l’année. Une mine d’art.

À chaque pensée se dessine une image plus défaitiste de moi, ils me donnent une vision sans futur. L’un d’eux est en train de me convaincre que je suis fondamentalement laide. Dans tous les sens du terme, de long en large. Que je ne suis pas drôle, que je suis moche, que je ne m’habille pas bien, que j’ai pris du poids et que c’est mal, très mal, ça. Vieux grossophobe. Que je ne mérite pas l’attention des gens, moi, l’attention whore. 

Ce sont les maîtres de l’horreur et je ne suis qu’une visiteuse dans cette galerie de mauvais goût. 

(Remarquez que j’utilise seulement le masculin dans cette explication.)

Et moi, je suis là.

Au beau milieu de ce brouhaha qui me fait perdre l’horizon, au détriment de ma santé mentale. Je les regarde faire, je les observe m’enlever des bouts de moi qui me sont chers, vitaux. Je les regarde piétiner mon art, celui de me faire une vie où il fait bon vivre. Ils élisent domicile dans un havre de paix qui ne leur appartient pas. Ils font un sit in sans cause. 

Je les regarde, parce que se battre contre eux à chaque seconde de ma vie devient épuisant. Ils ne gagneront jamais même s’ils gagnent du terrain à certains moments. Je dois simplement cohabiter avec leur essence malveillante. 

Ils ne me définissent pas.

Ils sont là pour me nuire. Mon art, la vie que je me crée, ce texte que j’écris à l’instant, est plus fort que toute cette merde qu’ils produisent à la chaîne. 

Que leurs portraits ne sont pas des miroirs. 

Que mon art et moi, sommes les seuls qui méritent d’être exposés.

[khunyuki]

"I've lived my life with blade and you always in my mind"

ꜱɪᴅᴇ ꜱᴛᴏʀʏ: 𝚊. 𝚈𝚘𝚞 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚊𝚕𝚠𝚊𝚢𝚜 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚊 𝚜𝚙𝚎𝚌𝚒𝚊𝚕 𝚙𝚕𝚊𝚌𝚎 𝚒𝚗 𝚖𝚢 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚝

Synopsis: To Hoshina Soshiro, it was a feeling of love not at first sight but even before he met her, he knew he loved her. To Uzui Kagami, he was her hopes and dreams came true and learned to love him since. From childhood until adulthood, they've been together. Witness their romance from the past! A bond that can never be broken so easily for it is formed by the culmination of time.

Pairing/s: Soshiro Hoshina x Fiancee!OC

Notes: I am posting this first because I thought it would be better to show their good relationship first than the planned main story. Soshiro is down bad for his fiancee.

Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Childhood Sweethearts, School Romance

Masterlist: TOC, Next

One of the happiest days in Uzui Kagami's life was the day, she and Soshiro became engaged as children. During her earliest memories, she absolutely adored her parents' relationship and dreams to have the same once she got older. To her surprise, a visit to some place other than her house changed the trajectory of her life! Why? Because her dream has finally come true! At least half of it did.

From that moment onwards, she would often visit the Hoshina estate to train with them and be with her fiance. Poor Kagami was so shy that despite this being what she wanted, she couldn't even bring herself to come near him, satisfied with just watching him from afar.

Kagami would hide behind a pillar or a wall and watch the Hoshina brothers train, with her eyes on Soshiro and Soshiro only. She would admire his skills, his looks, his growth, and his persistence. Not that she could tell him that, she couldn't even be in the same room as him without clamming up.

For the first few weeks of introduction, she would gaze at him from afar until his older brother could no longer handle it. Soichiro-niisan dragged her out of her hiding spot like a wet kitten and placed her on the sidelines to observe closely. She tried to run away but ultimately failed from his tight grip.

"Kagami-chan, you don't have to peek from afar when you could just watch here"

Soichiro-niisan tried to smile softly in order to calm the girl he just dragged over. But all it did was to make her cower and fidget uncomfortable while looking down.

"Don't bully her, nii-san"

Soshiro, with his two bamboo swords, hit his brother with their swordstyle mercilessly.

"Ouch! Wait! Soshiro! I'm sorry so please stop already!"

Having been caught off guard with no weapons, Soichiro would've accept his hits if it didn't hurt so much. It was rare to see this side of his brother, after all.

Once he stopped, only then did Soshiro turn to look at Kagami. She had long since stopped cowering and was now admiring him. Was he her prince charming or her knight in shining armor? Maybe both, cause him saving her made her like him even more.

"You can just stay here and watch"

He said so coolly with much composure and returned to his training. Kagami could only blush, trying to hide how giddy she was feeling.

.

As a child, Hoshina Soshiro didn't bother to understand what his family were talking about if it wasn't related to training or kaijus. He would attempt, yes, but his young brain still isn't able to comprehend it well.

They said something about an engagement between him and someone he will meet that day. He doesn't mind if it's something his parents decide for him. Arranged marriages are common like his older brother who already has a fiancee too.

It truly dawned on him from the moment his eyes laid on a particular shy girl that just entered the room. She was hiding behind her father but would peek out several times. He could only catch glimpses of her but he could already feel the pounding of his heart.

It was weird. He never experienced such having his heart beating so fast when resting. Was it because she reminds him of a squirrel, so cute and fidgety? He didn't know but when their eyes met, it felt like arrow shot through his heart.

It was love at first sight.

Soshiro was blushing madly for the very first time and his older brother doesn't help at all with all his teasing. Maybe it was the commotion that his brother was making that set their engagement in stone.

Cause when Kagami looked up from her bow, he was already avoiding her eyes. Especially once he saw her hopeful face and sparkly eyes. It struck a critical hit to his heart.

From that moment onwards, he would see her around the estate. She would sometimes be training on the dojo or watch him and his brother train from afar. Whenever she's watching, he couldn't help but take glimpses of her causing him to be distracted and lose cue his older brother's teasing.

As much as he wanted to look cool, he couldn't really do it after losing to his brother, can he? The saving grace for him would be when his brother picked her up and put her down next to him. It annoyed him when he did so cause how could his brother touch his fiancee like that. Soshiro was able to look cool by 'defending' her from his brother.

Be that as it may, it was truly bad for his young heart to have her around him like this. How could he remain calm when she's been staring at him the whole time. If he did talk to her while looking at her face, he can't guarantee not stuttering in front of her.

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~AGE 5~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

It didn't take long for the two of them to be close enough to feel comfortable with each other's presence. They could just sit on the porch without talking and they're already content with it. Occasionally, they would spar until it became a bonding moment just for the two of them.

Most of their progress was all thanks to Soichiro-niisan who decided that it was his duty to be as meddlesome as possible in his brother's lovelife. He, not only would egg on his little brother by calling him weak, but also tease him in front of his crush. It contributed to the explosive growth of Soshiro when his task is to keep his older brother's mouth shut tightly from embarrassment.

Soshiro would continue to lose over and over again but demands to have a rematch even if it meant having tantrums in front of Kagami. He knew he was losing face by doing so but he atleast wanted to look cool yet his brother kept denying him of that.

Much to Soichiro-niisan's surprise and pleasure, his taunts did not only work on his little brother but also his little sister-in-law. As clueless she may be, she could tell if the words being said were an insult to her fiancee. Kagami would bring out her meanest look and glare at her big brother-in-law.

During those times, Kagami would scold him for bullying his little brother and say that Soshiro is the best swordsman in the world despite being so young and he could beat him because he's always been working hard and putting in effort more than anyone else. It would only be at the end that she realizes that it was all a bait from the smirk on his face as he leave the two blushing figures alone.

It still took a while for them to be close enough to make eye contact with being a mess. But atleast they got to talk to each other as a result.

To Hoshina Soshiro, it was the beginning of something new.

To Uzui Kagami, it was the start of her dream come true.

It was the age of innocence where seeds have been planted, not knowing what kind of fruit it will bear.

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~AGE 7~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

Two years after their engagement, they were now a bit more mature yet still childish. They understand that they have duties to perform and live up to expectations of the adults. Such burdens, when introduced to children was a lot of pressure to say the least.

Soshiro acknowledging to himself that he is a reject compared to his perfect brother. Only his persistence to wield the sword was his salvation.

Kagami having to face countless trials not knowing that it might never end in the pursuit of perfection. In hopes of being acknowledged by her family despite her grief.

Just last year, Kagami's mother died along with her unborn baby brother. It was an unfortunate incident where a kaiju appeared near the hospital on the day of her checkup and they got caught in the aftermath. Ever since then, her father became a different person along with her other clan members.

The shift in the atmosphere was so obvious that even Kagami, as dense as she is, could feel it. She was restricted from visiting the Hoshina estate in order to prepare herself as the sole heir to the head of the clan. Many times she wished to run away but she couldn't do so because whenever she got caught, more punishment would just await her.

Her solace was when the Hoshinas would come to visit. They would dress her up and tell her to smile and act like nothing happened to not disgrace her family any further. In which, she does so without question cause just meeting her fiancee was enough for her.

Soshiro felt a pleasant surprise with how Kagami welcomed him to her home with much excitement but maybe that was just him missing her as it has been a long time since they last met each other.

As they were given the time to be alone, he knew that it was an act shown to the people around them. Only with him does she show her real face, as does he. Their comfort is with each other, comrades in their struggles at their young age.

In the place where Hoshina Soshiro believes that he is a reject, to Uzui Kagami he is perfect just the way he is.

In the place where Uzui Kagami has to be perfect in every way, to Hoshina Soshiro her imperfections are part of her charms.

The seeds have been nurtured and sprouted, taking root into the deepest pits of their hearts.

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~AGE 13~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

Middle school is the place where young teens start to experience such things called hormones. Spring is the moment of encounters but it is also the season of love.

Kagami doesn't think that being in middle school would change anything as it is just a small part of her life. She didn't think it was as important as her life back at home. That's what she try to tell herself because it's been over a year and she never had any friends yet.

It doesn't matter does it, she thought. But in reality, she blames her shy personality and being an introvert for making her lose out on things. Her pessimistic attitude doesn't help as it only makes things worse.

Hormones were the worst thing ever as it developed her body in the most uncomfortable ways like the sudden growth of her chest and the hellish pain of losing blood on a monthly basis. It also messes up her mind by giving her complicated thoughts and the sudden influx of emotions was enough to make her crazy as she has to act like nothing is happening.

There was one thing she believes in though. Love. It was something she already experienced herself and will continue to do so in the future. This age only gives her fantasies of what she wants their relationship to be like if she gets the courage to make a move.

"What are you thinking to make you smile like that?"

Soshiro asked as he long put down his book in order to observe her. Since when? She didn't know but being caught in the act itself was enough to make her feel embarrassed.

"I-It's nothing!"

While she tried to cover her face with the book on her hands, Soshiro pretended to think by placing his thumb and index finger on his chin before he revealed a mischievous grin.

"Were you... Thinking about me? Even though I'm right in front of you?"

Hoshina Soshiro struck a homerun! If only the ground could swallow her whole so that she could hide, but there is no hole to hide inside the library. She had to settle with pressing the book closer to her face as that's the only way she could hide.

"You're so cute~"

Soshiro chuckled with his eyes open as she fidgets around and didn't know what to do. Can a human being possibly melt? Cause she's combusting so much she could melt.

"Please stop teasing me"

She let go of her book and buried her face in her arms on the table to hide her burning face. It was a futile attempt as she was already caught but she still did it anyways. At least let her keep her dignity!

She could hear him getting up from his seat and sitting beside her. His fingers brushing her hair and tucking it behind her burning ears.

"It's true though"

He paused and she couldn't help but take a peek at the rustling beside her. He was in the same position as hers yet peeking at her with his eyes open, showing that soft and sweet smile that is exclusively for her eyes only. Maintaining eye contact to show the seriousness of his words.

"For me, you're the prettiest girl in the entire world"

Uzui Kagami.exe has stopped working.

Hoshina Soshiro.exe has also stopped working.

Thank goodness it was only the two of them in the library at this hour, otherwise, it would be the listeners who dies at second-hand embarrassment from their flirting.

The buds of youth quivers at its desire to bloom.

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~AGE 15~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

Hoshina Soshiro has made it a habit to tease his fiancee whenever possible. He couldn't help it when her reactions are so cute and amusing. He feels proud to being the only one with the right to see her like that.

He often smirks and act smug in front of his classmates and the other boys in their school, those he clearly knew has a blatant crush on his fiancee. Sometimes he wishes that she knows just how popular she is so she could feel confident in herself but at the same time he's glad she doesn't know.

It was always clear as day that she favors him more than any other, to him and to the people around them. To others, she would grace a polite smile and only answer their questions professionally. With him, she would laugh at his jokes and engage in conversations. Showing off that sweet smile that captivates anyone who sees it, including Soshiro.

Soshiro didn't know how many times he had to control himself from glomping at her and keeping her by his side, somewhere only he can see. The same smile that critically hit his heart on the first day they met continues to do so every single day, each time getting more powerful.

When he reminisces on their first meeting to now, he could see the improvement on their relationship for they had grown closer than before. If in the future, they continue to be together while working and get married then have kids---.

Stop! He's getting ahead of himself when they hadn't even hold hands yet... Wait... They haven't hold hands yet?

"Soshiro? Soshiro! Are you okay? You suddenly slapped yourself"

Asked Kagami with eyes filled with concern at his unexpected actions, not knowing she was the cause of it.

"It was nothing"

"Eh? Are you sure? That looks painful though"

She lifted her arm so her hand could touch the growing bruise on his cheeks. The feeling of her fingers gingerly touching his cheeks like it was something fragile and precious felt like static so he winced.

"It is painful! Come on, let's go to the infirmary to dress it okay?"

She immediately held his hand like it was a natural thing to do and dragged him to the infirmary. Soshiro felt stupid at his earlier thought. Who said they haven't hold hands yet? They were doing it now, weren't they?

Still, he hopes she doesn't turn around to look at him so she wouldn't see just how red his face is.

Since then, Soshiro keeps making excuses to touch her hand. He doesn't need to since she'll gladly let him do so anytime.

You must give it sufficient nutrients in order to bloom.

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~AGE 18~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

Ever since they were children, they've been training hard to join the defense force as their ultimate goal. To slay kaijus, serve their country, and make their family proud.

<Defense Force Screening Exam Part 2 Venue>

After passing the written exams, Uzui Kagami and Hoshina Soshiro are confident in their abilities to pass the second part of the exams as well.

"Are you nervous?"

Soshiro asked the girl beside him as they stand in front of the venue, squeezing her hand in comfort.

"Just a little bit"

Kagami placed her free hand on her chest, not only was she nervous of the exams but also the thought of encountering new people.

"Me too. But we've been working hard for this for a very long time, haven't we?"

Soshiro despite being nervous himself cheered her up. In doing so, cleared both his and her worries.

"You're right"

Giving one last squeeze on each other's hands, they walked inside and took the test.

.

The two of them settled inside a cafe as they revealed the envelopes that will change their lives.

"Somehow, i'm getting nervous that my hands are shaking"

Kagami said as she attempted to stop her shaking, the tension was making her hands clammy and sweaty.

"Do you want to open it now?"

Soshiro was calm, seeing her this fussy once more felt like his nervousness was transferred to her instead of him. He felt guilty but still thinks she was cute like this.

"No matter the outcome, i'll still be proud of you"

He tried to comfort her with his words though it somehow only deepened her frown.

"I can't have that. We have to pass together"

With deep concentration, she took her envelope in her hands and opened it. Though struck by her resolve, he could only smile and shake his head, copying her actions.

Uzui Kagami/Hoshina Soshiro, as a result of you satisfactory performance, you have PASSED the exam.

A moment of silence before...

"We did it! We passed!"

With a rare outburst of joy, Kagami hurriedly moved out her seat to his and tackled him with a hug. Soshiro was expecting them to both pass but it truly does bring him joy when she expresses her happiness so well.

It was one of the rare instances that he sees of her initiating things. And he was indulging in it.

"Let's celebrate this occasion with some Mont Blanc and coffee"

Kagami called for the waiter and gave their orders. At the same time, she went back to her seat after recovering from her high. It felt like they could hear each other's thoughts as they both bowed to each other.

"Let's continue to work together from now on. Please take care of me"

Rewarding their hard work and efforts, the flower finally bloomed.

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~Early 20's~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

Kagami and Soshiro joined the same division and stayed there together, having only each other's backs. It wasn't without struggle for them as they both specialize in sword slaying. Kagami was more flexible of the two as her precision and accuracy was better in long distance range so she could easily pick up a gun, but still she prefers to use swords if she could.

On one particular day, she heard her fellow officers making fun of her and her fiancee. It would've been fine if they were insulting her only but they also had to insult him. She was usually calm and quiet, preferring to keep to herself but she would never let anyone who insults Soshiro continue to yap their mouths.

"Please take that back! Soshiro-san has been working hard this entire time and putting in double the effort more than anyone else! If you give him a chance, you will understand that he can shine even brighter when he uses his swordsmanship!"

Hoshina Soshiro wonders why there was a crowd forming just outside the training room, until he heard a familiar voice inside of it. That voice, usually so calm and quiet to the point of whisper, was loud enough to pique the attentions of passersby. It wasn't only her uncharacteristic outburst that was eye-catching but also the words she's saying were. For it was filled with praises for him.

Once Soshiro realized that he was the topic of the conversation, he felt shy but he wanted to stop her even more. He doesn't want her to fight their fellow officers nor does he want her to get scolded by their superiors.

After wrestling his way through the crowd, he finally dragged her away, offering apologies on her behalf. Even if they did deserve the scolding they received from her, and doesn't really want to apologize to them, he had to do so out of courtesy.

Once he got her away to somewhere private, she was still quite upset, eyes glistening with unshed tears. She refused to look at his face and look down.

"I appreciate you defending me, Kagami. However, it's not like you to be that angry"

Soshiro urges her to look at him, to stare at his eyes by placing his hands on her cheeks. Once she look up, he could see the sad expression on her face. She was sad for him.

"They went too far. They don't know how great of a person you are. You're the best when it comes to close combat and slaying small kaijus, you could eliminate more than any of them could yet they still..."

"Thank you"

He wanted her to say more but her current state wouldn't let her. She was a bawling mess in his hands as he wipes away her tears. It was her first time crying in front of him yet he felt happy. All because she was thinking of him, all of it was for his sake and never yours.

The truth is, he was so incredibly touched by his fiancee's actions. It almost moved him to tears himself. Everyone wanted him to stop, his superiors and his family, yet she hopes that he could keep going. She pushes him to do what he loves despite people saying otherwise.

If they weren't at work right now, or if they were somewhere more private than the place he chose, he would've kissed her on the lips. He just settled for the forehead instead then he hugs her while patting her head. He whispered once again.

"Thank you"

The little flower happily showers in the rain filled with love.

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[urfavitgurl]

Oi nini ! eu gostaria de um conselho seu, eu sou apaixonada pelo meu SP, mas infelizmente eu não consigo assumir ele na minha vida porque eu tenho um transtorno chamado TOC, e eu acabo ficando com pensamentos intrusivos, de que ele é apenas da minha imaginação, que eu estou delirando... e sempre que eu falo dele para alguém, principalmente minha psicóloga ela diz que ele só existe na minha mente, e que eu devo esquecê-lo, e eu me sinto mal, porque eu não tenho o apoio de ninguém sobre isso, e me sinto sozinha. E às vezes eu sinto ""amor"" por alguns garotos, e eu nunca sei se é o toc ou não, e me sinto mal, porque eu justamente não quero porque eu amo meu SP. e ninguém, absolutamente ninguém consegue me compreender da forma que eu quero... eu entendo que você não possa me ajudar, mas eu queria só um pouquinho da sua opinião sobre isso, se puder responder eu irei agradecer... muito obrigada, e desculpe

oii, não precisa se desculpar, meu anjo!

consigo te entender, e, acho que meu maior conselho é que você se cuide, cuide de sua saúde, principalmente, mental e emocional

e, é claro que você consegue manifestá-lo! mas antes disso, cuide de você e de sua mente, depois vá se policiando, observe seus pensamentos negativos, sinta seus sentimentos, mesmo que sejam ruins, você não precisa se identificar com eles se isso não ressoar com sua nova história

a imaginação é sim a verdadeira realidade, eu entendo que é difícil, mas tente não se preocupar tanto, foque em você, cuide de você, você é amad× e merece tudo de bom, mas antes precisa estar em paz e harmonia consigo, entende?

espero que não tenha ficado confuso :)

[rouge-fauna]

rsd is both common in adhd and autism also disliking self diagnosed people is weird. Not sure if you are aware of this but the dsm-5 is flawed for instance until 2014, professional psychologists and psychiatrists believed adhd couldn’t even be diagnosed if someone had autism and vice versa, psychologists didn’t believe dyscalculia was a thing. There was no need to imply that someone with an official autism and adhd diagnosis was misinformed. I dealt with being called slurs for years, I don’t rlly mind if people nowadays find adhd and autism as a silly fun thing because when I was a kid, I was hated for being autistic and autism was never talked about except in a neg way. The silly memes about it are by autistics themselves. And, it’s a good thing that more people are figuring out traits connected to autism and adhd that psychologists hadn’t figured out yet till recent. Autism or adhd is not a one size fits all, it’s different for everyone that has either, or both a fact that even psychologists will agree with.

[context]

I mean no profession is perfect, I wasn’t diagnosed till I was 20, despite seeing various therapists and stuff since I was 14, so especially psychology as everyone’s brain is different. But I have to base my information from somewhere and I’d rather trust more scholarly sources with years of research and experience, and real people who work in the field, then just any old information on the internet. But anyways, and no shade to self diagnosis either, I’m so happy if people can find some answers and community and stuff like that. What I’m concerned about is what has happened to OCD and ADD and things taken to the point of a stereotype norm, with Autism just becoming anyone who has an obsession with something obscure, ADHD becoming anyone who can’t focus, Anxiety Disorders becoming anyone who’s stressed… etc. And that concern is based on my real life friend telling me about how her friends are scrolling through tik toc and relating to something from some video and diagnosing themselves. And as someone who has been working on my mental health for almost a decade, struggling to get through life, it feels very trivializing for someone to say oh because they like anime they are autistic (that was what one of her friends thought). Or it becoming they are dealing with anxiety and stress they have an anxiety disorder or because they are depressed they have depression. Because anxiety disorder for me means multiple anxiety attacks a week, depression for me means struggling to get out of bed, autism to me means working everyday in professional clothes at the office is torture, adhd to me means trying to do one thing then starting five others and completing none of them or just struggling to stay awake - just some really really broad strokes of things… For someone to say they deal with anxiety when they are just stressed about a test, doesn’t feel very good when I’m trying not to have another anxiety attack… like yes mental illness looks different, the brain is different in everyone and I’m glad we are continuing to grow and build our knowledge. What I worry about is our struggle becoming glossed over, as someone who for almost my entire life has had it invalidated… and like I also said in my statement, it wasn’t really an opinion or take or stance, just an observation I had recently.

It sounds like you’ve had it rough, I’m sorry people have been cruel to you and I’m happy to know that society becoming more open and such has helped you. I can totally see why. For me, on the opposite end, I was told my whole life that I was not enough, that I needed to just get over it, that I just needed to stop being sad or negative, to stop being dramatic… etc I was told it was a failure of me as a person when as it turns out there was actually a lot of factors out of my control the whole time. So that’s where I’m coming from, I think both sides and things can be true. And I am blessed to have been diagnosed in a time when I am not surrounded by cruel kids and when society is becoming more educated in it.

Of course, I want other people to find that same peace, but I also don’t want us to flip the other way and be like well if everyone is autistic then your struggles aren’t real. Hopefully that makes sense. I don’t mean to hate or judge self diagnosis, I’m actually more so encouraging of it, as I have suggested to multiple friends that they should investigate and see if they find it to be true. But I do hope people do due diligence when doing so if that makes sense. And that’s from a place that, again, has seen this happen.

Per usual both things can be true. And of course mental illness looks different in people, I mean I wasn’t diagnosed till I was older and even my doctors disagreed at first, then now I often get people shocked when I tell them. So trust me this is not be trying to say it looks the same by any means.

As far as RSD (rejection sensitive dysphoria) goes, I talked to the therapists I know about it and none of them heard about it, so as far as I can tell it isn’t a recognized diagnosis. Now that doesn’t mean it isn’t real or the experiences of people claiming RSD aren’t real, that’s more so me saying that to me RSD doesn’t need to be a diagnosis or term because I’m pretty sure a lot of people feel the same way about rejection, especially neurodivergent people who have faced so much. It’s not me saying the struggle isn’t real, I certainly qualify, it’s me saying that it’s more so a symptom of a larger issue and one that doesn’t seem to to me to be extreme or unreasonable if that makes sense. If not, that’s fine I’m no psychologist so I’m not going to argue about it. This is just my perspective and fears. I think there a some good point on either end and like all things it’s complicated.